crazyacres...

7 Quick Takes Friday

2012-01-13T10:46:00.007-06:00

~One~

Theo is nearly 5 months old. I am truly just getting it through me that he is here. I know that sounds crazy, but it has been that way for all my babies. It is so overwhelming and unbelievable to me, that a whole person can be created and come from me, that I can't really grasp it for months. My midwife this last birth, since it was at home, looked at all the newborn photos of my nine children I have around my room, and said, "Wow, you are really attached to the newborn period!" I have thought about it, and while that may be it (you know, the moment your arms embrace the reality of your hopes and dreams!), I also think it is because those months of each of my children's lives seem wavy to me, like an oasis, or a mirage. I am in such a state of transition, that I can't quite get reality through and through. Having these photos around helps cement in me that those times were tangible, and solid, and despite my inability to grasp it, very real.

~Two~

My poor, poor body. This last pregnancy and birth, as I feared, really did some damage. I am battling a hopelessness about ever getting remotely "back" to myself. Gravity and stretch marks have had their way with me, and I haven't gotten my strength back, even yet. I "know" what to do, but have no earthly idea how to get it done. It is time to bring back "Mrs. Happy". I was in the same spot seven years ago after baby #7, and told my children I needed their assistance in putting my recovery and health first. This drawing was on my white board when I returned from a walk, by my then seven year old. She is now 15, and still my most enthusiastic fan.

~Three~

Melanie, now closing in on three years old, is still just the sweetest of the sweet. She has always, and still does, make my heart ache with her sweetness. And she is so patient, yet direct, when she needs me. She'll wait for me to finish with Theo, but she will reiterate she needs me. I am so grateful, as she makes it doable for me to know and meet her needs. I still love dressings her up like a little dolly. She likes it too.

~Four~

I have had far more fun than I anticipated getting clothes for Theo. I thought there was no way, after getting girl clothes for Melanie, that I would enjoy getting little boy clothes. I was wrong. The Thrift store is full of adorable, cheap little boy clothes and shoes, and I am enjoying every minute of it.

~Five~

My middle kids get neglected blogwise, but they are so enjoyable! The 11 year old girl is a creative genius and a warm, tender care giver. My 13 year old son is changing every day, but maintains his sweet demeanor and I can see the amazing man he is going to be. My 9 year old son is a ball of anticipation and excitement about life, and I am trying to follow his lead. And my seven year old daughter is really embracing her "middle kid" status, finally, after clinging mightily to the "little kid" position. I am so pleased she is finding her new place in the family to be to her liking!

~Six~

And my big kids. The 18 year old son is at home, going to community college and holding down two jobs. He still does his chores and makes time to snuggle the little kids. He isn't as patient with the middle kids as I would like, but then he would be perfect, and that is impossible. My 17 year old daughter took a leap and cut her hair short and it is adorable. She is doing great in school and is training for track and field, and has a job. Busy, busy, but fun to watch. And the 15 year old girl, also doing well in school, and in the drama club, and busy with her very vibrant social life. This is the social butterfly girl, exuberant in so many ways. She walks around singing, she smiles and laughs often, and her enthusiasm is contagious!

~Seven~

I find it ironic that the very creatures that have caused my fatigue and huge workload are also the most inspirational people in my life to assist me in carrying out the work of my life. Isn't it rich how all is provided?

So there we are. I am fully immersed in my life. Fully.
Taken after Theo's Baptism this fall. It is the only photo of all of us taken as of yet. Must remedy that situation soon.

More over at Jen's Place!

7 Quick Takes Friday

2011-12-23T08:31:00.007-06:00

The Tree has been Chosen!

-1-
Christmas prep has been relaxed, calm, fun, on pace. This has not been my experience ever as a mom, so I can not explain it. Just a Gift, I guess.
After the tree was up, Theo in his Bumbo, with Melanie

-2-
I feel (finally) my strength coming back after Theo's birth. He is four months old, but now I can have a busy, active day without major exhaustion and lots of back pain. I can also get up off the floor without pushing on something and making lot o' noise. Huzzah!

(With his older sister on his 4 monthaversary)

-3-
Melanie has been the sweetest. Her use of language is increasing so rapidly, but there are somethings she pronounces incorrectly that I love. "I wuv my baby brudda", "Otay" "Pismass Tree" "Nit" for Nick, "dould" instead of could. SO cute, and it is going away slowly but surely, so I want to document a bit before she speaks correctly.

-4-
My seven year old has recently discovered card games. It is so much fun to see her just breaking into the "big kid " world, and loving it so much.

-5-
I have almost finished my Nativity Icon, and will have it blessed on the altar on Christmas. It has been such a pleasure working on this icon during Advent.

The faces of the icon in progress
Now I just have to add the halo rings and and lettering, and this is finished!

-6-
I am now old. This year we have had a balmy December, no snow or threat of it so far, and I am delighted. I remember when I was young I thought people who were happy about no snow were old and sad. Now I think differently.

-7-
It was just a year ago, tomorrow, I found out that Theo was on his way. I kept it a secret for a week, so last Christmas I was "pondering in my heart" what was happening. This year, we have a 4 month old love and I can not imagine our family with out him!
(iPhone photos, so sorry for the grainy pics, but better than nothing, right?)

More Quick Takes over at Conversion Diary!

Merry Christmas!

Facebook, etc.

2011-12-03T08:49:00.004-06:00

So here I am, with Theo being three months old, realizing I skipped the month of November entirely on this blog. In seven years of blogging, I don't believe this has ever happened. Admittedly, Facebook has filled in for blogging on a daily basis. Firstly, it is much easier, now that I have an iPhone, to whip out a little update with a photo. The same thing would take much longer to blog, unless I find a way to blog from my phone. Secondly, frankly, the blog world is a very different landscape than it was. It is far less of a community, and like so many other parts of society, has become corporate. Little blogs disappear, readership centers around the "famous" bloggers, who either have 5 billion comments, or closed comments. Most the popular blogs now are part of the bloggers' marketing package for their other business pursuits, which is very smart, but lacking in the community blogging once was. We hear about many of the blogging "get togethers" that contain the same famous bloggers that all know each other, while thousands of us are "spectators" now at the community. It seems to me, Facebook has replaced the "virtual" community that blogging once was. The downside is that some of my long time blog friends are not on facebook, or I haven't found them. I personally have my privacy settings set very high, and that makes me difficult to locate. I have kept my friend list small on purpose, so it is intimate, and truly full of my friends. Now, if any of you want to be on facebook with me, let me know in the comments and we'll figure out how to find each other.

The other problem with the blog decreasing for me is that my attention span is shrinking. I think of status updates of 140 characters or less to get my point across. I miss delving into something for a paragraph or two, focusing on an idea for more than a few moments. Thus, the blog continues. The thoughts are still there, in a fractured sort of way, but I haven't allowed myself the luxury of parsing and collecting and then putting forth these thoughts. And I miss it.

So, while Facebook has filled a gap for me, to be sure, and I am grateful for that, I want to continue blogging, but sadly, not so much as part of a community, but as a tool for me to organize my thoughts and work out ideas that rattle around in my head.

I also plan to spend more time with my "In Real Life" community. I have been, actually, and it is good. When I have gone through the joys and sorrows of life, there isn't a big blogger response or outpouring of support. But the people in my real life? So supportive and good to me! I must make some notable exceptions (you know who you are!) of blog friends that reach out to me in "real life" ways, and you are primarily why I am unwilling to let this place go. I consider you part of my real life.

For the random reader who comes here, and likes what they read, I so welcome you. I love "meeting" new people, or reacquainting with those who I haven't heard from in a long time. But the purpose of this blog has entirely changed through the years. I was looking for a community seven years ago, and I found it. And like so much of life, things have changed, and my blogging has changed, and my purpose for blogging has changed.

Anyway, I intend to keep this up, trying for a weekly reflection post, and then adding in to various blog groups such as {pretty, funny, happy, real} at Like Mother, Like Daughter, or & Quick Takes Friday at Conversion Diary.

So anyway, that's where we are now. I am working on a post right now called, "Birth Story, pt. 2", which is the rest of the story, so to speak, and the effects of pregnancy and birth in the months following the physical fact. I have had ripples of "birth effect" after all nine of my births, and it is sort of like a dirty little secret. Especially since my births have been by the book, normal and fairly quick! Anyway, that post will be coming soon, and I am looking forward to finishing it.

I also have a post in the works about the difficulty and uniqueness of my life as a mom of 9 children, with all ages and stages. Talk about feeling pulled in all directions!!

So, hopefully this space will continue with a smaller quantity, but higher quality. Again, for daily connection, let's try to connect on Facebook. My email address is in the side bar, also.

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

2011-10-25T15:42:00.005-06:00

planning ahead pays off for a change. Here is my latest:

{pretty}
This urn and pedestal used to be up every summer, and was a focal point of my garden. I would take it down in the winter so it wouldn't fall apart. I tried to take exquisite care of it. But then a neighbor kid stepped on the pedestal and broke it. For three years it languished in the garage, waiting to get repaired. Right before Theo was born, I got the epoxy out and used it. Pedestal fixed. But, I didn't even do potted flowers this year, so it was empty in the garage all summer. But finally, after having TWO babies, I got it placed and filled, and I think it is lovely!

{happy}

One of his first smiles for me. He smiles at everyone else, but for me, he wants to eat. Just this last week he has been smiling and laughing, but there isn't a camera in sight. But today, I caught one!!

{funny}
I still think it is funny I have book end boys, eighteen years apart. And a very ironic part, is Theo loves his oldest brother the best. His face lights up, he smiles and gets so excited when the oldest is in the room. And of all my boys, these two resemble each other the most. I get de ja vu frequently, when Theo reminds me so much of a baby I was caring for so long ago.

{real}

And here it is, our annual "Picture Tree" photo. And this year with a new addition. There was some fighting about who would hold Theo, but the biggest boy won.

For more {p.h.f.r.}, see Like Mother, Like Daughter!

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

2011-09-22T07:48:00.003-06:00

Since the ladies over at Like Mother, Like Daughter only used one photo today, so shall I. I have had my hands full ever since Theo was born, full in the best of all possible ways, of course. But that leads to an inability to type, which leads to next to no blogs entries. But this is perfect, for today I shall share a photo which covers all the bases: it's pretty, happy, funny and real. Pretty, because Melanie is beauty. Happy, because I was sitting in my favorite chair, with Theo and Melanie on my lap, and they were so content. Funny, well, the funny part was me trying to aim my iPhone in such a way as to capture the moment, and then push the button to capture the image, all with one hand and without disturbing said precious moment. And then, real, because almost all my time is taken up with this sort of thing. Willing myself to soak up these moments when so many "duties" are calling to me, or even the desire for a hot cup of coffee, or a shower. But seriously, folks, what could be better than this?

Visit Like Mother, Like Daughter for more {pretty, happy, funny, real}.

Baby and Mama Update

2011-08-30T10:44:00.002-06:00

We are all doing quite well here. My kids have started school, choir, sports, and I am totally immersing myself in baby-land; his soft skin, delicious scent, downy face and delicate little body. I have some "hired" help this time post-partum, and it has really made it possible for my home to continue in order, for me to rest, and for Theo to be the recipient of most of my time and attention as he deserves. I am so grateful to my husband for making this possible, and to my family for pulling together and chipping in, and to our friend who is working with us now to help me do all I need to do.

Birth Story, Theo Edition, and First Homebirth Experience

2011-08-23T11:41:00.008-06:00

The week prior to delivering our little Theo, I had been really terrified of giving birth. Strangely, I thought that since I had done this eight times prior, I wouldn't be so afraid. The last time I gave birth, I never really went through the terror phase. So this time caught me by surprise. As the days drug on, I became less terrified, and more incredulous. I probably would never give birth, anyway. Nothing to be afraid of. Supreme denial.

So, on August 13th, a day past my due date (the first time I had ever entered my 40th week pregnant, by the way. There are firsts even in ninths), I spent the morning looking at our busy school calendar, thinking we were going to have a heap of trouble here if I didn't have the baby pretty soon. The calendar was too full put it off much longer.

As if by magic, on hour later, I began steady contractions. They were light, but fairly close together. Seven minutes, mostly. This went on for an hour, so I called the midwife to let her know things were percolating. Instructed to call her back when the contractions got 5 minutes apart, I rested and ate a good protein meal, and drank the fresh green juice I had made the day before.

Less than an hour later, the contractions were still fairly mild, but had dropped to 4-5 minutes apart. I called the midwife back, and she decided to send the nurse out, which would take about an hour to get to my house.

As it turned out, the midwife decided to come, too, and she got here in about 30 minutes. Good thing, because by the time she got here, the contractions were much stronger and giving me very little time between to rest. Two contractions after the midwife arrived, my water broke, and then labor became like a freight train. One massive contraction after another, with no time for me to collect myself. My husband filled my tub, and I gratefully crawled in, but didn't feel very hopeful for relief, because I hadn't ever had such a rough labor before. But, the water did the trick, and I could manage the contractions better. There still was very little break between them, though, so I still felt like I was being thrashed around. I struggled with all my might to relax, let the contractions work, get out of my own way, so to speak. I felt myself descend into "labor land", where I was unaware of anyone or anything else, except my body and the contractions. I imagined a lake of calm water, with rings emanating from a tossed stone. About 3 contractions later, I felt the baby's head on the inside of my tail bone. Progress! One more contraction, and although I felt like I had turned inside out, I also felt the baby being born. Wow! One tiny push later, and I was looking at my new little son in my arms, flabergasted. My brain was still in labor land, and was trying with all its might to catch up to the reality that our Baby was here! I just couldn't believe it was all over in about 20 minutes!

Little Theodore Frederick Maximos was born at 5:13 pm, after one hour of what I call "real" labor, and 4 hours start to finish of any contractions at all. A record! He was 8lbs 11oz, and 21", very common size for my babies. He pinked up immediately, screamed heartily, and looked just as confused as I did!

After the cord stopped pulsing, my husband cut the cord, and took the baby to show his older siblings, who had stayed home during the birth (the younger ones went to Grammy's house, a few days prior). I finished with the placenta in my bed, had no extra bleeding at all. My uterus, for as old as it is, worked perfectly!!

Items of note, that I remember, but can't figure out how to weave into this story:

I remember the nurse leaving the room, and when she returned she said she had told the older three kids the baby would be born soon. Upon hearing that news, my eldest son shut his laptop, and high-tailed it out the door to head to Grammy's. He got called back by his sister a mere 5 minutes later, telling him to come back home and see his new baby brother.

I remember looking at the baby right after he was born, and looking around for my husband, and realizing he wasn't in the room. He had stepped out for a minute, and missed the birth. He heard a baby cry, and ran back in within seconds of Theo's arrival. The pace of the birth surprised everyone!

I remember the heavenly feeling of the cool cloth on my forehead and chest. My entire being was focused upon how good those cool clothes felt. They were my all, my universe for a few moments. Then the baby was born, and my focus shifted to him, miraculous newborn eyes, and his exquisite smallness.

Here we are now, settling in nicely. It is such a joy to get to know this little one!

The homebirth aspect of this experience was amazingly awesome. It did cause me some stress beforehand, both because I was afraid I wouldn't get "perfectly" ready here, and trying to keep everything ready for a few weeks. But the experience of not having to leave during a freight train labor, and then going straight to my own bed afterward, and spending our first night together here in peace and quiet and uninterrupted was so priceless!

It was strange having something "new" to do during my ninth birth, but the birth itself was picture perfect, and getting to do it at home just magnified its goodness. I am so glad I decided to do a home birth!

Theo at One Week

2011-08-21T18:24:00.000-06:00

Quick Takes, Baby Edition!!

2011-08-20T13:24:00.005-06:00

I'll do Quick Takes a day late. As a mom of a week old baby, I feel I shall be excused.

1. What a week. Such anticipation, followed by excitement, followed by pain, exhilaration, euphoria, fatigue, fear, sweetness, disbelief, lots of gazing and more disbelief. The abundance of it all makes it challenging to wrap my mind around, really.

2. So my mom took my youngest 5 children for the week. The quiet around here was eerie. Then it was pleasant and peaceful, then it was sad. But they are all home now, and things are hopping once again.

3. I still can't believe how perfect the birth was. I will write the entire thing down as its own post, but really, picture perfect.

4. So I am really getting used to the baby's name. Lots of times after a baby is born it takes me a while to associate the name with the baby. But Theo is perfect for this baby, fits, and is easy to use. Some of the other kids call him Teddy, which is fine. We'll see what sticks, and maybe both will do.

5. I can't believe I haven't gotten photos up yet. Sorry. I have one, it isn't his best, but I will follow with more shortly.

6. Nursing is going great better than with Melanie. I am crossing my fingers that it keeps going that way!

7. I got to sleep in bed, laying down, for the first time last night since he's been born. The rest of the week I was in the recliner. It felt amazing to lay on my stomach. Oh. My. Goodness. So good.

More baby stuff to come, including more photos. It is difficult to do these things one handed.

Blessings!

He's Here!

2011-08-13T21:51:00.000-06:00

Theodore Frederick Maximos arrived this afternoon after a quick labor, at home, in the tub. It was perfect. He is 8lbs, 11oz, 21", and cute as anything. I'll get photos up asap. Thank you all so much for the prayers!!

Quick Takes

2011-08-05T07:32:00.004-06:00

I'll give the good old quick takes a go today.

1. I am 39 weeks pregnant now.

2. I am 39 weeks pregnant now.

3. I am 39 weeks pregnant now.

4. Just a little glimpse of the inner workings of my brain at this point. I am trying to let other thoughts in every so often, but I am not very successful.

5. I bought the DVD of Princess Bride. I watched it while I couldn't sleep last night and didn't have the "39 weeks pregnant" tape running through my head for an entire 90+ minutes. Sweet. Watching that movie is like putting on comfy jammies and drinking hot cocoa, under a warm blankie with a fluffy pillow. And I simply love Mandy Patinkin. You ever heard him sing???? Amazing.

6. My kids start school in two weeks. And then we are in full fledged sports, choir, school and crazy mode. Did I mention I was 39 weeks pregnant?

7. Got a pedicure and hair cut. Looking good from my head to my toes! With this in the middle:

And there we are. 7 Quick Takes. Check out more at Conversion Diary.

What is going to get me through...

2011-08-01T12:25:00.005-06:00

So here I am, at that distressing part of pregnancy when everything seems tentative and fuzzy. The schedule, the duties, the day, the night. Urg. I am ready and not ready to do this birth. But the reality is it doesn't matter how I feel about it, it is coming, ready or not. He is coming, our new wee lad, whom I can not imagine yet, but yearn to make real in my mind. I feel him, I know he's there. I just can not picture him yet. I am trying to make room, knowing full well room will be made with no effort on my part if I just wait. I am trying to plan my birth, knowing full well there is no planning such a thing, there is only accepting and relinquishing. Yet I feel this very strong desire to control these last weeks, knowing full well this is a time that will not be controlled.

I want to retreat, disappear for a while, reappearing when my future is known, settled, and I am recovered and used to my "new normal". Alas, my life doesn't allow such a luxury. No, I must engage, persevere, and embrace.

In this process, one I find very disconcerting and uncomfortable, even still, after doing it eight times previously, I am making a music play list to listen to while bringing our new man into the world. I came across "The Glories of Byzantium" CD I have, and one of the best tracks on it is Psalm 103 (102) sung in Slavonic in a beautiful female voice, with comforting male background voices, underlying humming, like an organ, except only voices.

I was listening and looking it up in my bible so I could read along in English. I came across Psalm 102(101) first and read that. Wow. Just how I feel today:

Psalm 102

1Hear my prayer, O LORD, and let my cry come unto thee.

2Hide not thy face from me in the day when I am in trouble; incline thine ear unto me: in the day when I call answer me speedily.

3For my days are consumed like smoke, and my bones are burned as an hearth.

4My heart is smitten, and withered like grass; so that I forget to eat my bread.

5By reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin.

6I am like a pelican of the wilderness: I am like an owl of the desert.

7I lie awake, and am like a lonely bird upon the house top.

8Mine enemies reproach me all the day; and they that are mad against me are sworn against me.

9For I have eaten ashes like bread, and mingled my drink with weeping.

10Because of thine indignation and thy wrath: for thou hast lifted me up, and cast me down.

11My days are like a shadow that declineth; and I am withered like grass.

12But thou, O LORD, shall endure for ever; and thy remembrance unto all generations.

13Thou shalt arise, and have mercy upon Zion: for the time to favour her, yea, the set time, is come.

14For thy servants take pleasure in her stones, and favour the dust thereof.

15So the heathen shall fear the name of the LORD, and all the kings of the earth thy glory.

16When the LORD shall build up Zion, he shall appear in his glory.

17He will regard the prayer of the destitute, and not despise their prayer.

18This shall be written for the generation to come: and the people which shall be created shall praise the LORD.

19For he hath looked down from the height of his sanctuary; from heaven did the LORD behold the earth;

20To hear the groaning of the prisoner; to loose those that are appointed to death;

21To declare the name of the LORD in Zion, and his praise in Jerusalem;

22When the people are gathered together, and the kingdoms, to serve the LORD.

23He weakened my strength in the way; he shortened my days.

24I said, O my God, take me not away in the midst of my days: thy years are throughout all generations.

25Of old hast thou laid the foundation of the earth: and the heavens are the work of thy hands.

26They shall perish, but thou shalt endure: yea, all of them shall wax old like a garment; as a vesture shalt thou change them, and they shall be changed:

27But thou art the same, and thy years shall have no end.

28The children of thy servants shall continue, and their seed shall be established before thee.

Then, and only then, did my original quest take on it's full splendor. Psalm 103 is so much more after Psalm 102.

Psalm 103

1Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

2Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

3Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;

4Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;

5Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.

6The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.

7He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel.

8The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.

9He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.

10He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.

11For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.

12As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

13Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.

14For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.

15As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.

16For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.

17But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children;

18To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.

19The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all.

20Bless the LORD, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.

21Bless ye the LORD, all ye his hosts; ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure.

22Bless the LORD, all his works in all places of his dominion: bless the LORD, O my soul.

I found them to be very, very relevant, and can see how the two of these together are perfectly placed. So now I am reading Psalm 102, followed by 103, and the world is pulled more fully into focus. Feel free to join me in these lovely, ancient petitions and praises.

Quick Takes - Homestretch Edition

2011-07-15T07:44:00.004-06:00

I guess I'll do a Quick Takes, since I haven't managed a post in a while.

1. Nesting has kicked in. My desk is clean, half of my kitchen cabinets are cleaned out (with the other half on schedule for today and tomorrow), my kids clothing is all purged and sorted, and there are plans afoot for throwing away half of what is in the basement. Maybe that is why I have so many children. I need regular nesting in order to keep the house in order.

2. My eldest, in a mature and very grown up manner, changed his college plans, and decided to go to the local community college for at least a year. I am relieved that his debt will be much, much less with this plan, but sad to see him so disappointed. He worked very hard to get into the 4 year school and made a narrow cut to do so. But, as we adults know, reality is reality, and must be dealt with. Now we need to find him a bedroom. Shifting once again, grateful for the space to be flexible.

3. I had an encounter with a flying table this week, during a viscous wind storm. I was attempting to get the patio tables' umbrellas down, when the wind tossed one of the tables into my face. I have a few stitches, and bruises, but I am so, so thankful that is all the damage. The table hit me in the mouth, and Praise God, I still have all my very expensive teeth.

4. Today is the last day my middle kids' tutor comes for language arts. We kept it going because I am pretty certain I won't be starting school on time given the birth of the wee lad is a mere two weeks before we usually begin. This gives me some guilt free delay time, where all they have to do is a daily math lesson and free reading for a bit. I ask prayers for our awesome tutor, as he is leaving here to go into a monastery. If this is indeed his vocation, we may never see him again, but will always be joined by the bond of prayer. St. Benedict, pray for us!

5. Summer weather here has been gloriously delightful. Usually it is much hotter, much more humid. St. Scholastica has come through for me again, and prayed me into a pretty comfortable summer. I have very little swelling, and am feeling better now than I did during the second trimester. Blessings, all of it.

6. I have everything ready for the baby. Now I relax and enjoy the rest of the pregnancy.

7. Baby boy names. Still playing with them, but pretty sure we have settled on one. Stay tuned.

More quick takes at Conversion Diary.

Where are we now?

2011-07-01T11:19:00.003-06:00

Ah, blogging. What has happened? Multi-dimensional changes in blogging in general (so many are like magazines now, rather than the casual sharing of thoughts). So many are promoting a career (not a bad thing at all. In fact, a terrific use of technology). I have been left far behind as far as formatting blogs. I have no interest or desire to learn blog design, nor to pay someone else to tweek mine. But it is obvious now that I am Old Fashioned when it comes to blogging. Facebook has come along to replace the relationship part of blogging, I think, and also, for people like me that have blogged for nearly 7 years, is there that much more to say? Then there are the bloggers that have risen to the top, like cream, that say what is on my mind so much better than I could, I find myself nodding in agreement rather than writing my own thoughts.

Then there is my personal lack of discipline. I blog erratically, which doesn't lead to a strong readership. I blog about my own life, which can be very boring to read. I seem to have lost a bit of my reflective ability, or the things I reflect on are too personal to put out on the internet, too controversial (I don't want to offend), or too common (how many posts on pregnancy, home making and gardening can I do, when I do the same things over and over?)

I never have seen myself as any sort of expert, so my blog won't ever be telling people what to do or how to do it. I have found lots of tricks to make my life easier that I would like to share, but so many of them are in response to my life, and not generally applicable (like making my kids stand in the corner instead of spanking them. Worked very well for me. I couldn't guarantee that it will for anyone else). I am not going to instruct people in home schooling techniques (o, please, I can barely get by myself). What I have done appears to be working, but there was never a formula for me. If I could write a book, it would be called, "Flying by the Seat of my Pants", because that is how I have home schooled, gardened, raised my kids, managed my marriage and kept a budget. It is how I plan menus and how I respond to just about everything. I don't recommend it, but it works for me. But could I, in good conscience, offer my technique as anything to imitate? Absolutely not. It boils down to this. I am exceptionally flexible. I try to put a plan into action, but things are constantly changing, so I must make constant adjustments to my plan. The final outcome is usually barely recognizable compared to my original vision. At first, that made me feel like a failure. Now, not so much. But I can not make a home making blog about it. No beautiful photos to share, generally, but there are so many, many delightful surprises!

Anyway, now, I am completely wrapped up in this pregnancy (only 6 weeks to go), relishing the new life inside me and wondering if THIS will be the last time I get to do this. Relishing my teens, my new graduate, the two year old and the middle kids, who are growing and blossoming every day. So much abundance has led to fewer and fewer words.

I think that is how it is supposed to be. Matters of the head are being transferred to matters of the heart, where I am treasuring them and contemplating them, and and storing them. Just not writing about them.

Exit 141

2011-06-13T07:25:00.003-06:00

Our family just returned from a trip. While it isn't a certainty, I am prepared for this being the "last" full family vacation we take, since my eldest is off to college in a few months. We went to the South, a place we haven't been before, and truly enjoyed the trip. Despite the broken air conditioner in our van (it died three hours into the trip. We almost turned around, but carried on instead), and the restless two year old (who always was excited to get into her car seat, but then 30 minutes later wanted out), the bored teens (thankful for iPods and cell phones), and the very pregnant mom, we soaked up the scenery, took our time with some overnight hotel stays, and relished the adventure and the time together.

The purpose of our trip was to visit my family that relocated there last year. There was a baby we hadn't met yet, houses we hadn't seen, and really, their daily lives that were just in our imaginations until we could see it for ourselves. We narrowly missed our niece's graduation from high school due to circumstances beyond our control, but my parents made the drive the week before. My parents live in the same general area as we do, and they were headed home just as we were headed down. Our schedules didn't allow for an overlap in the visit, but we were in contact on the day our paths would cross on our journeys. My mom and I were chatting on the cell phones, both safely tucked away in our respective vehicles while our husbands did the driving. We quickly ascertained we were on the same highway, going opposite directions, and that is if we were observant, we would see each other in about 15 miles or so (we were 30 miles apart at the time). With dismay we realized the highways were divided from time to time with thick, wide medians, full of vegetation, and the chance of us actually seeing each other was slim. My husband, driving and conducting a business call at the same time, was also mentally calculating where we would pass, and was indicating to me in sign language that we should exit at Exit 141. I was unaware he was listening to my conversation as well as carrying on his own, so I was less than attentive to his hand signals. He became more insistent, until I realized the point he was trying to make. My parents should exit at 141, and so should we, then we could meet up in person and have lunch (only people married nearly 20 years can communicate all this through hand signals while driving and carrying on phone conversations).

I relayed this to my mom, who passed it on to my dad, and in the nick of time, we both exited the highway and met at a gas station within seconds of each other. The kids were delighted to see their grandparents, although the younger ones were very confused why they were in the middle of Kentucky, randomly at a gas station. We got gas, had lunch at Subway, chatted a bit, and then went our own separate ways.

It wasn't until later that it hit me how spectacular that meeting was. We had left our home state the day earlier, stayed at a hotel, taken our time in the morning allowing for a slow breakfast and some swimming before heading out on the road again. My folks had gotten up early and taken off for home. Again, we were heading in opposite directions, and were not even aware we were taking the same route. The phone call was so providentially timed, my husband's planning acuity was so well placed and the timing was so synchronized, we couldn't have planned the meeting as well.

Stepping back, I realize so much of life is just like this. Amazing, miraculous, perfect, and unplanned. My own life is so full of this phenomenon, that I almost took this one for granted, instead of treasuring the miracle it was.

I thank God for opening my eyes to the miraculous that day, and pray that He will assist me in having eyes to see the abundance of miracles that shape my very existance. How rich and splendorous is the gift of life!

Already?

2011-06-04T10:03:00.002-06:00

Did anyone notice the pregnancy ticker over there? ---------------->

30 weeks. Oy. This is getting serious. Much to do, much to do. There is no way it'll all get done, either, and yet I know from experience life will go on, and soon I'll be living a life that feels like mine. BUT, for the next 16 weeks or so, I'll be in a state of altered reality, physical limitations, and fear. Then joy, and pain, and exhaustion, and adjustment. It is daunting. Like looking up a large large cliff that I am about to climb, knowing the peak will be amazing if I live through the climb. Whew.

My Life in Pictures, or What has been Keeping Me off Blogger for a While.

2011-06-03T10:14:00.007-06:00

We don't knit around here, but my 11 year old daughter is learning how to make sock dolls. Here are her first two, and I think they are adorable! And, they use up some of the single socks around here (I tossed the ones she didn't pick out for her project).
My Graduate
My newly minted 7 year old
And the newly minted 9 year old
My oldest and youngest (outside the womb, that is)
Prom, with my son and a friend of his. They were amazingly elegant looking, I thought.
With more friends. They were having fun!
Two pig tailed girls
Me, my son, and my hubby. One of the best pictures of us ever taken.

The Gang. The seven year old is holding a doll, and the two year old is hiding in the Graduate's robe. The wee lad is making me round, round, round.

My Boy at the Senior Banquet

2011-05-24T14:54:00.001-06:00

Isn't he handsome? Graduation in two days. I can't believe it!

Help, please.

2011-05-20T07:50:00.003-06:00

I need help with some boy names. Preferably three syllable names. That have early church father connotations, or Biblical, or at least a saint's name. I have a few:

Three Syllable possibilities: (My other boys, by coincidence, have 3 syllable names, and are all named after early Christian saints)
Frederick
Theodore
Maximos
Joachim

Two Syllable Possibilities
Ivan
Isaac

One Syllable Possibilities
George

I know there are more that have passed through my mind, but I can't think of them now. Looking for some more possibilities. Anyone? Anyone?

Seven Quick Takes. When I say quick, I mean quick

2011-05-06T07:06:00.004-06:00

1) Help. The laundry is winning.

2) The weeds are growing like, well, weeds. Weeding required bending down to pull. I am not into bending down, currently. KIDS... momma has a job for you!

3) Sun!! Warm!! I know I'll regret this in a few months, but Praise God the sun is out and it'll be in the high 60's today. Yippee!!!

4) The great room shuffle has to be done as soon as school is out, to make room for the new wee lad. UGH. Not looking forward to it. Maybe we'll set up the little crib and move the recliner to a corner in my room and skip the whole things. The nursery, which is a room attached to mine, currently is inhabited by Melanie.

5) I feel guilty sometimes when I look at her playing blissfully in her room, knowing she is going to be demoted soon, and that she has no idea what is coming her way.

6) Eldest son said he could give up his room when he goes to college. I asked him what about summer and weekends? He said he could just sleep in the basement. Nice young man, that.

7) I really can not wrap my head around the fact that I am at a phase in life where one of my children may not have a bedroom here anymore.

More quick takes at conversion diary.

Round and Round, I go

2011-05-03T10:03:00.005-06:00

According to my calculations, I am less than a week away from my third trimester. Being this close to the reality of our little boy's emergence into our arms, I am a tumultuous mixture of emotions and sensations.

On one hand, I feel amazingly strong and vibrant, what with carrying a LIFE inside me and all. My health has been terrific so far, all is going well, and baby is obviously growing rapidly.

On the other hand, I feel fragile as a bone china tea cup. If I stay up and busy all day long, by back feels like it is going to break apart. My energy level is not bad when I have one, but it dissipates quickly. I must nap every day. I have to go to bed early. I can't dig up my plants and split them and replant them. My back immediately aches and spasms. In previous pregnancies I was doing that sort of work up until the day before the baby was born. But I was nearly a decade younger then.

I feel young, I mean a new baby can do that to you! Young women have babies!

I feel old. I have gray hair, crow's feet, and a son going to college.

I feel so connected to the Eternal Mysteries. New Life, being overshadowed by the Life Giving Holy Spirit can do that.

I can't say an entire prayer to save my life. Just snippets. I am constantly burning my blessed candles and incense and am working feverishly on my icon writing. But my prayers are consistent of two words, almost exclusively. "Please" and "Thank You".

I can't choose a name for this baby yet. I want to name him after everyone. Melanie got four names, this guy will be lucky to only get four. I can't choose God Parents. I want everyone to look out for him and to pray for him.

I want to buzz through my house and get it all set to rights. And I want to sit in the sun and listen to music and look at pretty pictures. I want to go for long walks, and I want to go to bed.

I feel laughter at the edge of most my thoughts, followed directly by tears. I can not believe the number of things that have made me cry lately. They are all happy things, and I can not take joy with out tears. I am not, by nature, a crier. So this is unsettling, and relieving, at the same time.

I feel very at ease about adding another child to the mix here. I am not frightened of giving birth, either. I am quite fearful of everything else, and have to pull a Scarlett O'Hara, "I'll think about that tomorrow". Being 9 months pregnant in the middle of August scares the heck out of me. Starting school, directly after giving birth, with one off to college, two in high school, and the rest at home here, wow. Terrifying.

So, there you have it. What to do with it, though?

{pretty, happy, funny, real}

2011-04-28T14:40:00.004-06:00

{pretty}
Blessing of our Pascha Baskets at Church.
My Favorite Flowers for Easter

{happy}
My gang, after Liturgy on Easter

{funny}

Melanie with her pretty flower head band, asking for more peeps.

{real}
A few days after Easter, my flowers are mimicking my energy level.

One of our failed attempts at a group Easter photo. Baby wouldn't cooperate, not even for peeps.

check out Like Mother, Like Daughter for more pretty, happy, funny, real posts.

Matins

2011-04-22T00:21:00.005-06:00

The family and I just returned from the Matins Service of the 12 Gospels - Into the framework of Matins are inserted 12 readings from all the Gospels relating to the suffering, death & burial of Jesus. Each reading is followed by antiphons reflecting on His Passion. During the service the Cross is placed in the midst of the church for veneration

John 13: 31 to 18:1
John 18: 1-28 (Arrest of Jesus in the garden of Olives)
Matthew 26: 57-75 (Jesus before the Sanhedrin and Peter disowns Jesus)
John 18:28 to 19: 16 (Jesus before Pilate and Jesus crucified)
Matthew 27: 3-32 (Death of Judas and Jesus before Pilate and the way of the Cross)
Mark 15: 16-32 (Jesus is crowned with thorns and crucified)
Matthew 27: 33-54 (The way of the Cross)
Luke 23: 32-49 (The way of Calvery)
John 19: 25-37 (Jesus' last words and Jesus is pierced)
Mark 15: 43-47 (Burial of Jesus)
John 19: 38-42
Matthew 27: 62-66 (The guards at the tomb)

Here is a prayer, part of the service called the Ikos, that was particularly touching to me. Our priest has a most amazing voice, and is also quite touched by this prayer. When he sings this, the emotion and grief are so rich and so real, it takes you straight to Calvary:

"As she saw her own Lamb being dragged to slaughter Mary, the Ewe-lamb, worn out with grief, followed with other women, crying out, ‘Where are you going, my child? For whose sake are you completing the course so fast? Is there once again another wedding in Cana? And are you hurrying there now to make wine for them from water? Should I go with you, my child, or rather wait for you? Give me a word, O Word; do not pass me by in silence, you who kept me pure, My Son and my God."

The grief pierces the heart, no?

What I am Making This Week

2011-04-18T08:37:00.003-06:00

I am making this marvelous soup today, to share with some other families, and to prepare for Holy Week, when we spend so much time at church. If it helps any of you, I hope you enjoy!!

Fast friendly Veggie Soup

This recipe makes a large amount ~ plenty to freeze or to share. It also is great the day it is made, but even better the next day.

Solids:
1 large head of cabbage, chopped into small, edible sizes
2 large onions, chopped
3 cloves garlic, chopped into small pieces
2 1 lb bags of mixed frozen veggies, your choice what kind
1 15 oz can black beans
1 package of frozen, chopped spinach
6 carrots, chopped into bite sized pieces
2 stalks celery, chopped
3 small zucchini, cut up

Seasonings:
1/3 cup Italian Seasoning
1/2 teaspoon Gr. Pepper
1 teaspoon cumin
3 TBSP chili powder
3 TBSP dijon mustard
1/3 cup chopped cilantro

Liquids:
1 48 oz can vegetable juice
2 28 oz cans of chopped tomatoes
enough veggie broth or water to cover all vegetables (I use vegetable bullion)

Put vegetable juice and chopped tomatoes in a large pot (like a stock pot, I mean a LARGE pot).

Add all seasonings and bring to a simmer.

Add all solids except frozen vegetables.

Add broth or water to cover solids

Bring to a boil

Add frozen vegetables and spinach. Add more broth or water to cover all veggies.

Bring to a boil, slightly cover pot and reduce to a simmer for 45 minutes.

Test the cabbage and carrots to make sure they are done to your taste.

Enjoy!

The Greatest Fear, Met, Survived, and the Lessons Aquired Therein

2011-04-14T10:30:00.003-06:00

It never fails, when my husband is out of town, something comes up that I wish I didn't have to handle on my own. But I have managed to do just that most the time. It also seems that each time he leaves, one of the kids gets sick. Again, usually I handle that fine, with a few nights of worried sleep and lots of darkened fever checks or fitful worried internet symptom searches. Usually by morning, things are better, and the day goes on.

But this time, when morning broke, things were not better. The tummy ache just kept getting worse. And more localized. Lower right quadrant. Hmmm. I really I kept trying to tell myself I was probably over-reacting out of fear, hormones, lack of sleep, whatever. But a wise lady told me, "It is better to feel stupid than to be stupid", so I decided to head over to our local walk-in care clinic. Plus, the mom-sense that I now acknowledge as powerful, was in full alert mode. So off we went.

The medical professionals there concurred with my worries regarding the symptoms pointing to appendicitis, but couldn't diagnosis it there, so off my little charge and I went to the ER. There they ordered a CT scan, and my little girl (the newly minted 11 year old) started to get afraid. She drank the contrast liquid, and waited. Then had the CT, then waited. Then the diagnosis was confirmed: acute appendicitis, surgery was needed ASAP.

(Waiting for the surgeons visit)

Now we get to the part I had been refusing to think about all day. Surgery, one of my children, me alone. Oh my.
(Waiting to go into the OR)

Lesson number one: the people at hospitals are nice, want to take care of the patients, and try to be as comforting as possible. At least that was my experience. Everyone we encountered was kind, helpful and professional. Nothing scary about any of them.

Lesson number two: Even when I felt alone, I wasn't. Not even close!

Lesson number three: Sometimes, it is awesome to live in this era. I am so grateful for the technology that kept my daughter from getting seriously ill. I am so grateful for my iPhone, that kept me in touch with friends, family, and most importantly, my husband.

Lesson number four: I can count on so many people for help and support. I always know that, but when push comes to shove, and to see it in action, is such a gratifying and heart warming experience.

Lesson number five: I am able to handle more than I thought. It was such a relief that I was also brave, when I really wasn't certain I would be. Yay me.

Lesson number six: Not everyone thinks I am a weirdo for my counter cultural, large family, home schooling life style. Actually, as I had to explain over and over to the different people I encountered at the walk-in clinic and hospital regarding our family size and what not (it kept coming up), I didn't even get one negative look or comment. Not one.

Lesson number seven: Dread is far, far worse than the actual event, at least in my experience so far. God helps you when you are encountering real challenges, but not so much when you are imagining just how terrible something will be.

Needless to say, the surgery went fine, I survived alone, my daughter and I were well taken care of, and my friends and family truly are a huge blessings to me. What more could I ask for? I now know what people mean when they say, "I felt the power of prayer holding me up." And truly, it was. And is. And will.

(The day after surgery, sitting up and reading)

Why things get broken in my house

2011-04-08T07:56:00.002-06:00

See the big red ball?

See the children having fun?

See the mom in the background sitting on the couch, reading a book and ignoring the children?

(Note: no actual breakage occurred in the making of this post. This time).

March Redux

2011-04-07T06:52:00.007-06:00

Well, we have had much to keep us busy around here. In backwards order, we had the famous double birthday, the girls now being 11 and 15. We had a very nice, quiet at home birthday, with loads of cake and ice cream.

(here they are in 2006. Wow.)

We had a play, and our girl (in pink, front right) was busy for months preparing. Another of our girls was on the crew that painted the fabulous sets, so lots and lots of driving back and forth for rehearsals. A big thanks to eldest son, who did much of that driving for me. I knew that day would come, but I had no idea how marvelous it would be. (Any guesses on what play it was?)

And of course, as previously noted, little Melanie had her second birthday on St. Patrick's Day.

I still can't really believe she is two, but her vocabulary is really picking up lately, so she is acting more two. She is also asserting herself a bit more, but mostly is very sweet and cuddly.

So March has already come and gone, and we are in mid-April already. We are spending much more time outside, but it is still brown and cold and dreary. I am so ready for real Spring!

My Two Careers

2011-04-05T10:01:00.003-06:00

After reading Betty Duffy's latest post, titled Changing my mind, I attempted twice to comment and relay my similar experiences. Both time they were "eaten" by Google, so I took that as a sign I should make my own experiences a post on my own blog, and leave poor Betty's blog to the hearty congratulations she deserves.

I was a physical therapist prior to my marriage, and worked during my first pregnancy, quitting the day before my eldest was born. I loved that profession. It fit me like a glove. I loved learning about the human body, watching it in motion, finding the dysfunction, and using my skills to help function return to normal, or at least to its maximum potential.

The profession was perfect for me because each patient was different, each diagnosis required solid scientific knowledge merged with creative energy to devise the treatment program perfectly suited for each individual patient.

The seriousness of my job did not escape me. I was dealing with the quality of people's lives, both in function and attempting to decrease pain and weakness. In some cases, my involvement with patients meant the difference between them regaining independence or not.

I loved the social interaction with the patients and other health care providers, and going to continuing education classes, writing new programs and marketing them to physicians in my area.

I loved motivating people to push themselves further than they thought they could go, and the thrill of accomplishment we would share with each mobility goal met. To see patients in the ICU, and begin passive range of motion, then move the the acute care floor, and start sitting up, standing with a walker, then moving to walking 10', the 20', then 100', then 300'. Then to see them as outpatients, working on higher level mobility and strength. PT's treat their patients, but they also sweat with them, cry with them, and rejoice with them. I couldn't think of a more fulfilling job for me.

As an ironic side note here, I used to work with quite a few elderly patients, and loved to listen to the stories of their lives. I was 22, 23 years old, but one tidbit I heard over and over from the venerable people I cared for was this: they wished they had had more children. I heard many versions of the same story. The things that arose in their life that made the idea of more children frightening had all resolved and were ancient history, but now they didn't have the family they might have. Over and over I heard that regret, that admonition of, "Don't be afraid". Never did I hear them say that they wished they would have had more money, travel, career. Never did I hear the regret that they had too many children. Only the lack of children came to their mind as they approached the end of their lives.

So, when I decided to marry and live my life open to the notion of having children, I knew I could not dedicate myself wholeheartedly to my job, and to motherhood. For me, one would suffer, and neither deserved anything less than my all. I was blessed to be marrying a man who was willing to shoulder the responsibility of financially supporting whatever family we ended up with, so my professional career came to an end.

Fast forward 8 years. I now had 5 children, and my husband was unexpectedly unemployed for quite a while. My license was inactive, but it would only take a letter to reactivate it. I had job offers coming to me for the last eight years, so I considered "doing my share", and getting a job. I began the process, and promptly found out I was pregnant once again. Thankfully, my husband's employment issues resolved, and that was that.

Fast forward again. Now I have seven children, but the youngest is 4. I could, in theory, get a job, and all my kids could be in school. It seems like my last chance, because if I get much older, the physical part of the job would be too much of a strain. So I contact the state, get the list of requirement to reactivate my license, and...

You guessed it. Pregnant again. At that time I was 42. And thrilled! For my regular 8 readers, you all remember my pregnancy with Melanie and the joy that accompanied it. It was a gift and a treasure to get to carry a life in me, and experience a newborn again, after being pretty certain I never would.

This time, since Melanie was born, the thought of going back to my profession hasn't really crossed my mind. I have had the experience, since finding out another baby is on the way, of longing for the affirmation my job gave me. I was talking with my mom, who is receiving PT now, and hearing about the owner of the clinic, who is my age with my professional background and interest, and the thought, "I could have been somebody" crossed my mind.

But reality corrects that notion, when I realize I have been Somebody to now NINE children, and a big SOMEBODY to my husband, and all the other people in my life. I am somebody, the somebody God apparently wanted me to be. My experience as a PT was awesome, and was not wasted. The knowledge and awe regarding the human body and it's formation has made my life richer nearly every day, and I have been able to care for those I love a little better because of this knowledge.

All in all, I am so very blessed to have been able to have such a satisfying education and career, followed by a very full and all encompassing life as wife and mother. I am truly blessed.

7 Quick Takes Post Ultrasound Edition

2011-04-01T08:01:00.004-06:00

So, you saw the pictures in the last post, right?

1. As you can see, we're have a boy. This will be our 4th boy, and at the time of his arrival, the boys in this house will be 18, 13, 9, and newborn. Quite spread out.

2. So, we have seven children in 10 years. A five year gap. Then and girl and a boy in 2 years. It is like having two families. A big one, and a "normal" one. We get it all!

3. I can now focus my attention on attaining boy clothes, since everything baby in our house is pink and frilly. Although, since our announcement last night, I have had lots of offers for baby boy clothes, so I think we'll be well taken care of, again.

4. And wooden toys! I love wooden truck, planes and trains, and I had just about gotten rid of them, since our soon to be 9 year old is outgrowing them, but now, I can keep them, and maybe get a few more.

5. And boy names~ what fun! I am already enjoying the search for the perfect name. We have names set aside when the last two babies were girls, we have some new favorites, and probably some terrific ones I haven't even thought of yet. What fun!

6. And it was such a relief to me to see his perfect little self. His little heart beating away, his little snuggles and squirms. He was much calmer than the last two babies during ultrasounds. Almost as if he was sleeping.

7. Now I feel I can get on with this pregnancy. The ultrasound really did help, and despite what I am sure will be some lingering fears, I have such love for this little guy already, I can handle it. This is going to be so great! Thanks for your prayers. The help has been noticeable, appreciated, and such a great charity on your part. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

More Quick Takes at Jen's place.

It's a ...

2011-03-31T21:36:00.004-06:00

Wow. I haven't had any boys for almost 9 years. This will be another grand adventure! Everything looked good as far as I know, and I don't want to know anything else. Brain, spine, heart, all good. Fingers, toes, all there. It was a good day!

10 Facts about Me and my Better Half

2011-03-31T06:39:00.004-06:00

Seen at Melanie's Place. Sounds like fun:

1. We met on a a blind date set up by his ex-girlfriend.

2. We spent the first week before the blind date speaking on the phone daily, and I loved the sound of his voice. And that we had so much to talk about right away. And that he made me, Sober Suzie, laugh every 5 minutes or so.

3. We got engaged 6 weeks after we had our first date.

4. We played chess after dinner on our first date. He beat me in like, 6 moves. We have never played again.

6. The only game we can play peacefully (we are both very competitive) is cribbage. We played on our honeymoon, we still enjoy playing almost 19 years later, and the competitive edge doesn't rear its ugly head for some reason.

7. We are both first born children, and have spent much of our marriage "negotiating". We are definitely better at it than we were, praise God.

8. Our first born was our honeymoon souvenir. While in Hawaii, we flew over the Valley of Fertility. We should hit up that helicopter pilot for some college fund contributions right about now.

9. My husband is an entrepreneur specializing in risk management. I am highly risk adverse. We should write a book.

10. The man is positively brilliant. But he would forget to eat if is wasn't for me, so we make a terrific team.

Progress

2011-03-30T08:34:00.004-06:00

I scheduled my ultrasound for tomorrow. I am nervous and excited to see the new member of our family. And I am relying on the prayer of Esther today, "Lord, save me from my fear." As I have said all along, this pregnancy has been accompanied with fear the entire time, and I have been desperately trying to put it aside. (I also began taking Vit. B supplements and think it might be helping a bit). At this point I may just have to let fear rip right through me so I can get on with my life and enjoy the miracle that this baby is.

Lord, save me from my fear.

Another Condundrum

2011-03-26T10:06:00.004-06:00

So I am now 20 weeks along in this pregnancy. I am going to be optimistic and say slightly over half way since I have never gone to 40 weeks. I still can't quite wrap my brain around this pregnancy, for some reason. It is like getting all you every wanted, and then some more. Disbelief, shock, and awe at the abundance of it all.

So I have a prescription for an ultrasound in my hot little hand. My midwife didn't request one, I did, so whether I fulfill it or not is entirely up to me.

I was set on finding out the gender of this child early on, since I did with my past two babies, and I loved it. But now, I can't decide. Hmmm.

On one hand, it would make this more of a person and less of a "pregnancy" for me, mentally. My head might get all the way wrapped around this once I have seen this baby. The place I was referred to has the 4D ultrasound, and I have never had that before. Comes with pictures and a CD.

On the other hand, well, I don't know what the other hand is. I don't know why I am ambivalent. Fear, maybe. What if they see something that requires more testing, or more testing is recommended and I have to decide it I'll pursue it or not. I know of a few people who had fear put in their hearts regarding the health of their baby because of a few "markers" on the US, and it tormented the rest of their pregnancy.

Well, I don't suppose any of you can answer this for me. The last two pregnancies the midwife (a different one) wanted the US, so it wasn't up to me. This will be my intention at Liturgy tomorrow. I suppose there is no wrong or right answer for this one anyway.

One of My Favorite Sights

2011-03-22T11:31:00.002-06:00

This was taken right as the last bit of snow was melting.
I love these bottles, in my bedroom, in front of the window. Makes me happy every day.

One of my Favorite Places

2011-03-21T08:51:00.003-06:00

Most Holy Theotokos, pray to God for us!

It has been a LOVLEY TWO YEARS!

2011-03-17T08:03:00.005-06:00

Two years ago I got to meet my little Melanie for the first time. Since then, I have just been soaking in her sweetness and light, and have been enjoying her more than I can say.

She brought me one of the happiest moments of my life:

You would think that after seven other births the eighth would have been more of the same, but I was given the grace of thanksgiving with Melanie's arrival. During the pregnancy, and her birth, and now her first two years, nothing has seemed terribly difficult, because I have been able, through God's grace, to see it all in perspective. Gift. Every sacrifice has been balanced with love.

During my pregnancy with Melanie, I felt carried, bestowed with peace.

This pregnancy has been more challenging, but I am drawing on my memories to assist me. It is as if Melanie's arrival was a time when God was holding my hands, helping me take every step.

Now, it seems as if I am toddling more on my own, but I know God is right there, cheering my progress and scooping me up when I loose my balance.

I had no idea how Melanie would impact my life past the reality of her being in it. But she has truly been a gift of comfort to me, and reminder of the security of my place as a child of God.

One thing I never anticipated is that Melanie would be a big sister. This year will bring that gift to her, and I can not wait to share that joy with her.

Also, sharing Melanie with all her siblings has been one of the largest blessings of my life. This is a girl with a place in the world, a place, so far, of unconditional love. There is nothing better for teens than to be able to give unconditional love, and then to receive it right back from an adoring little sister.

We will be having a lovely day, celebrating the Feast Day St. Patrick, the birth of our little Melanie, and the first day in the 60 degree range so far this spring. It is shaping up to be a day of joy, and I intend to continue to soak up the blessings!

Happy Birthday Sweet Melanie~

Pre-Sanctified Gifts

2011-03-10T07:57:00.003-06:00

My commitment this Lent is to go to the Liturgy of the Pre-Sanctified Gifts every Friday evening. However, my 12 year old son asked to go last night, even though we would necessarily be a bit late due to choir practice (secular, not church choir). Dinner was on for the rest of the family, the older child in charge said she could handle the rest of dinner and the little ones, so Dear Son and I headed out.

We arrived near the end of Psalm 103:

"The sun knows the time of its setting:
You establish darkness and it is night.
How great are Your works O Lord!
In wisdom You have wrought them all."

Then the Litany of Peace, part of which is:

"That we may be delivered from all distress, wrath, tribulation, and want, let us pray to the Lord"

"Lord, Have Mercy"

Then Psalm 119, 120, 121, 122, 123..

At this point I feel I am taking real breathes for the first time all day. My shoulders drop, my forehead relaxes. Yes, Holy Mother Church is nurturing me, soothing me.

As I sing, "Let my prayer rise like incense before You, and the lifting of my hands, like an evening sacrifice. Hear You me, O Lord!" I feel the depths of my heart pouring out to its creator. My son sings with me, and I realize this moment is a gift, and a treasure, and so unexpected. My boy, who that very day had expressed his transition from childhood by giving many of his toys to his younger brother during a cleaning session, was praying with me, resting in the Lord with me, after a long, productive day.

Then comes the Prayer of St. Ephrem. In the translation we use at church, the word "faint-hearted" is stated as "acquisitiveness". I know I have to discipline myself in this area as well, as evidenced by the need for the "40 Bags in 40 Days" I am participating in again. I don't yet see the connection between "faint-heartedness" and "acquisitiveness", but then, Lent has just begun.

Shorty, we are at the "Great Entrance", when the Pre-Sanctified Gifts are escorted through the church. During the week in Great Lent, there are no consecrations: Sunday is the only day the Eucharist is consecrated, with the Liturgy of the Pre-Sanctified Gifts taking place Wednesday and Friday during the week.

"Now the powers of heaven
Minister with us in an invisible manner;
For, lo, the King of glory is coming

And, behold, the Mystic Sacrifice
Pre-sanctified and perfected is escorted in.
Let us approach with eager faith,
So as to become sharers in eternal life.
Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia"

Then the priest carries in Our Lord, from the side altar of repose, out of the iconostas, around the church, and back to the altar thorough the Royal Doors, in silence, while the congregants prostrate themselves. The solemnity and experience of God amongst us brings tears.

Another Litany, with all the begging for mercy, followed by the Our Father, and then, Communion. The Bread of Life.

Another Psalm (33):

Approach the Lord and be enlightened,
and your face shall never be shamed.
The poor cried out, and the Lord heard them
and delivered them from all their afflictions.

And then a blessing, and dismissal.

And the day was finished.

Every year, the beauty and nurturing quality of the Pre-sanctified Liturgy takes me by surprise, sort of knocks the air right out of me, so I can take a real, deep cleansing breath.

This year more than ever I feel the gentle hand of the church on my head, guiding me, tending to me, strengthening me in my weakness.

Blessed be the name of the Lord, henceforth, and forever!

Lenten Reflection

2011-03-09T10:02:00.003-06:00

From Alexander Schmemann's "Great Lent", straight to the depths of my soul:

"The basic disease is sloth. It is that strange laziness and passivity of our entire being which always pushes us "down" rather than "up" - which constantly convinces us that no change is possible and therefore desirable. It is in fact a deeply rooted cynicism which to every spiritual challenge responds "what for?" and makes our life one tremendous spiritual waste. It is the root of all sin becuase it poisons the spiritual energy at its very source."

The first step to healing is proper diagnosis. I see myself clearly in this little paragraph, and as I went on reading this morning, the next few paragraphs were even more startling. I am far more sick than I thought, spiritually speaking, but then deep down I knew that. The next word that comes up is "faint-heartedness". And oh, my, yes I am. This pregnancy has brought that straight to the top. One of the gifts of this pregnancy is that I am finding it impossible to look aside from my fears and weaknesses, they are right at the top, all the time. Lent is here, at the perfect time to tend to me, thank the Good Lord. The medicine today is simple, the prayer of St. Ephrem the Syrian:

O Lord and Master of my life!
Take from me the spirit of sloth,
faint-heartedness, lust of power and idle talk.
But give rather the spirit of chastity,
humility, patience, and love to Thy servant.
Yea, O Lord and King!
Grant me to see my own errors
and not to judge my brother;
For Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen.

Great Prokimenon of Vespers

2011-03-08T09:22:00.002-06:00

From Forgiveness Vespers, the beginning of Great Lent:

Hide not your face from Your servant, for I am in distress; answer quickly, answer quickly, come close to my soul, and redeem me.

v. I am poor and in pain, O God; let your power save me.

Hide not your face from Your servant, for I am in distress; answer quickly, answer quickly, come close to my soul, and redeem me.

v. Let the poor see and rejoice. Seek the Lord and your souls shall find life.

Hide not your face from Your servant, for I am in distress; answer quickly, answer quickly, come close to my soul, and redeem me.

Forgive me,brothers and sisters, for the wrongs I have done, in word, or deed, or thought, with all my faculties, with reflection, or out of uncontrolled emotion.

May you have a blessed Lenten Season!

7 Quick Takes Lenten Edition

2011-03-04T12:07:00.004-06:00

Quick Takes, Lenten Edition

This weeks Takes are being hosted by Betty Beguiles. Here are mine this week, focusing on Lenten Intentions:

1: Spiritual Reading: I want to narrow it down between the Psalms (all of them, in order, until Lent is over), The Cannon of St. Andrew, or the Jesus Prayer (I have a few books about both of these). Leaning toward the Psalms.

2: Fasting: We won't be strictly following the fast this year, due to the pregnancy and all. But I will commit to doing vegan Wednesday and Fridays, usually with soup, salad and bread. The rest of the week I'll keep it simple and nutritious the best I can, but I won't commit to vegan. Also, I have to eat two eggs for breakfast, and keep up around 100g protein a day. That will require meat and cheese.

3: Yogurt and eggs: I intend to consider yogurt and eggs not dairy for fasting purposes. In other words, I will eat two eggs for breakfast, but will forgo the butter on my toast. I'll have guacamole with Greek yogurt for a snack, but leave off the melted cheese. I won't indulge in brie or aged cheddar, but may eat a slice of cheese if I feel the need for a quick boost of protein. This year will be the SPIRIT of the fast, not necessarily the Law.

4: Attend Pre-sanctified Liturgy every Friday. There is no reason I can't make this work, except giving in to fatigue. But I can sit and rest at church if I must. I will commit to being there, and praying, not to standing through everything or doing every prostration (although I do intend to try).

5: 40 Bags in 40 Days: I did this last year, and it was a change that stuck. I will commit to bagging up at least one bag of things to take out of my home every day. Probably more. I am actually looking forward to it this year.

6: Gratitude: Seriously express gratitude about something every day. I don't know the outlet for this yet. But I would like to make it person to person. Occasionally it will be person to God. But the more grateful I become the less sensitive I become, and the feeling of disappointment lessens. But for me disappointment is a habit, so I anticipate this will be a long road to haul, to retrain my thoughts. But I must begin somewhere, right?

7: Savor my family. I have spend far too long seeing the people in my house as obstacles to the formation of perfect me. And now my oldest will be going to college in the fall. I will. not. waste. another day being frustrated with daily duties being constant and incomplete. That is life. My home will not be perfectly clean until it is empty. Savor them, savor them, savor them.

And that's all, folks. Plenty, really, isn't it?

Things I Love About Today

2011-02-14T08:02:00.002-06:00

1. Listening to my baby sing in her crib. She loves to sing "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star".

2. My hot cup of coffee with a chocolate truffle. A Valentine for myself

3. The snow is melting and it is warm enough for a stroll today.

4. My eldest finally got his driver's license this weekend, and today, drove his sisters and himself to school. Yipee!

5. I've got these Chocolove bars tucked away for each of my family members for Valentine treat after dinner. And one for myself ;)

6. I put up a pregnancy ticker on the blog over the weekend. For what that is worth.

7. We get the morning off of school with the other kids because of an orthodontist appointment. I love legitimate mornings off school!

8. I love this crazyacres classic post I used to always put up on St. Valentine's Day. Here it is, and may your day be blessed!

"Little Skunk," said Cat, "I have a kiss for Little Bear. It is from his grandmother. Take it to him like a good little skunk."

Little Skunk was glad to do that. But then he saw another little skunk.

She was very pretty. He gave the kiss to her.

And she gave it back.

And he gave it back.

And then Hen came along. "Too much kissing," she said.
"But this is Little Bear's kiss, from his grandmother," said Little Skunk.
"Indeed!" said Hen. "Who has it now."
Little Skunk had it. Hen got it back. She ran to Little Bear, and she gave him the kiss.

The skunks decided to get married. They had a lovely wedding. Everyone came.

(From "A Kiss for Little Bear" by Else Holmelund Minarik)

Putting the Pieces Together

2011-02-12T10:37:00.004-06:00

You can tell quite a bit about a child's personality by the way they do puzzles as a toddler. At least with the luxury of having 7 older than toddler children, and one current toddler, it seems to me, upon retrospect, to be a good indicator of a few personality traits.

For instance, my eldest (now nearly 18 years old), who is very methodical, private and independent, used to go to his room as a toddler, shut the door, and sit quietly and do puzzles. When he would come out, they would be all put together, and put away, with out a shred of evidence he ever did them. If it hadn't been for my quiet peeks into his room, I wouldn't have even know what he was up to.

My third child (nearly 15) is creative, exuberant and lively, and would dump out numerous puzzles, put in a piece or two, make up another game with the rest of the puzzle pieces, and then leave them all over the place and go off to a new activity.

My fourth child (nearly 13) has shown a love for work, sticking to a task until it is finished, regardless of how challenging it is. He would do puzzles, and with many trials and errors, keep at it until it was finished. Sometimes he would ask for help, but he stuck to it. He didn't seems to do puzzles for fun, but like a job. He is a very work oriented boy to this day.

Now the little one, Melanie, is nearly 2, and she loves puzzles, talks to all the pieces and is very diligent with putting them back together. She shows great perseverance and joy in doing puzzles, and I will be interested to see if these traits carry through to her grown up self.

I purposely didn't go through all 8 of my children (it would be a long post, with lots of repetition, I fear), but as I thought about writing this post, I mentally went through them all in my head, and it truly is a very accurate correlation regarding their personalities now. I also, purposely, didn't mention which one of my children it was that has the fiery temper, and used to, as a toddler, throw all the pieces across the room in a fit of anger when they would not fit in first try. But you get the idea ;)

7 Quick Takes

2011-02-11T08:48:00.004-06:00

I am trying to make this place more active, so I will use some scheduled posts to assist me. Fridays mean "7 Quick Takes", hosted by Jen at Conversion Diary. So here you go:

1. Today my 8 year old son asked me, "Mom, if the new baby is a boy, can we name him Goliath?". That actually caused me a little pain. *shiver*

2. My interest in coffee has returned. I missed it. Just having my morning cuppa' makes my life feel more normal. I think the first trimester upheaval, both physically and emotionally is partly because I feel as if I stepped into an alternate reality, and left my "normal" life behind. My real life -----> My pregnant life. By 14 weeks, I feel the two are a bit more integrated, and I am looking forward to this *New Normal* becoming settled. Until the baby is born, then there will be another *new normal*, but I'll worry about that later.

3. Wardrobe crisis: In my anti-hoarding attempts after Melanie was born, I rid myself of most of my maternity clothes. Now, I could use some, and as I look around, I see most clothing manufacturers do not make maternity clothes for an amply sized 44 year old. To add to the crisis, I am going on a business trip with my husband in a few weeks, to a warm sunny place (yay), but that means I need warm, sunny clothing that fits. And I'll be meeting lots of new people, and making lots of first impressions, and what, oh, what, am I going to wear. I don't really look "pregnant" yet, but I can't wear my regular clothing comfortably. I see shopping in my future, but I fear it will be the discouraging kind, not the fun kind. I'll keep you all posted.

4. I have been very faithful about taking my vitamins during this pregnancy, and have found my craving for fruits and vegetables has really increased. I have been devouring salads with lettuce, avocado, cucumbers and dried cherries. Fresh, lightly steamed broccoli tastes like ambrosia. Pears and oranges and apples are like candy. Weird.

5. As promised, here is the photo of my latest icon, The Samaritan Woman at the Well

6. I have been blessed with God's providence by finding someone to help me with schooling my 12 year old son. Everyday, my son gets 3 hours of one on one instruction and encouragement. He is responding quite well, and is stretching his abilities and enjoying working with his tutor. This has freed up my time for house duties and school with the other children, as well as posting a bit more here. What a gift!

7. Finally, the weather has been very, very wintery, and kept me inside quite a bit lately. This weekend it supposed to warm up substantially, and I am looking forward to taking a nice, long walk. I am asking for actual prayers that I carry through on this desire, because I feel that exercise and fresh air are missing from my life, but I often give up on my desire to partake. Please pray that I have the internal strength to make myself go outside and enjoy the great outdoor. Thank you!

So there you have it! May your day be blessed!

Small Successes

2011-02-10T09:21:00.003-06:00

I am using this as an excuse for a post. So here goes.

1. I cleaned out the drawers in my kitchen. It was actually a pretty quick job, and made a terrific difference come dinnertime when I am trying to find my utensils. We rotate kitchen jobs, and no one seems to put things away in the same place. I figure if I do it weekly, it'll e quick and easy, and keep me in a better mood.

2. Cleaned out my laundry room. Again, fairly quick and easy job, that makes a huge difference in my daily mood.

3. And finally, I finished and varnished my "Samaritan Woman at the Well" icon. I don't have photos yet, but this should motivate me to get one up later today.

Thank you.

2011-02-04T09:29:00.003-06:00

What a nice little flurry of activity over here! Thanks to Elizabeth, Suzanne and Kelly for linking to me, and everyone who stopped by, and particularly who left me words of encouragement. I can't tell you how much I needed that! For some reason I was feeling very alone (don't know why because I have lots of friends and family and what not, but there it is). Maybe it was just the combination of hormones and fatigue, but both because of the very welcome support, and I trust, the entrance into week 13, I am feeling quite a bit better.

I found out my Vitamin D level is super, super low (single digits!), and for a month or so have been supplementing aggressively (at the advice of my midwife). I may be crazy, but I am beginning to feel a lifting of the oppressive, heavy lethargy from which I have been suffering for some time (longer than this pregnancy, for what it is worth). I don't know if they are related, but I am feeling significantly more light-hearted, if you will, like I have been playing out in the sun for a while. I even went outside in the post-blizzard beauty and took Melanie for a sled ride around our street. She very much liked being outside, it was sunny and cold, refreshing really. I hope to do it again today.

The kids spent many hours outside yesterday making a snow fort in the huge pile of snow left by the plow. After a quick math lesson and some oral dictation, they will be at it again, making tunnels and new rooms. I plan on doing laundry some more, and tidying up, enjoying the sunshine streaming through my windows and generally taking pleasure in the fact that my life is so full.

Thank you again, everyone, and I hope to have more to offer soon.

Saying what I mean, and meaning what I say

2011-01-28T08:43:00.003-06:00

So, I heard the baby's heartbeat this week. Whew. I have been holding my breathe for a few weeks now, and it feels good to inhale finally. I usually don't approach medical intervention this early in a pregnancy, so I have never had the experience of going to an appointment and not hearing a heartbeat. That is what happened two weeks ago, and then because of a "weak" pregnancy test, the midwife expressed some concern about the viability of this pregnancy. I had a blood test done, and it came back "appropriate", and then, this week, after a lengthy attempt, we finally heard the little flutter of a teeny, tiny heart beat.

It seems that for all the contentment and peace I had in my last pregnancy, this one has offered equal measures of anxiety and fear. Firstly, hoping and praying this baby is born into the world and into Holy Baptism. Secondly, how is my 45 year old body going to take this? Thirdly, how am I going to do all I need to do this year and beyond? Next year schooling with a 2 year old and an infant. Of course I have done that before, but it was so challenging, and I was so much younger. Whew.

I know this child is a gift. There is an excitement about this new turn in our road that is bubbling just below my surface. I want to let it break free, but the fear in me is keeping it down. So if you all have any extra prayers for me, it would be for me to embrace and believe, "Be Not Afraid".

I find I am being called to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak. So many people asked me after Melanie was born, when I was 43, if I was going to have any more. I always said, "I don't know. Not up to me." A flip little response that kept some rudeness at bay. But in my mind I thought, "Probably not. I mean, I am 43 for heaven's sake". Many, many times I have been questioned, grilled even, about why I have so many children, how many more will I have, how many is "enough". I have always answered that I am open to life, so I can't answer the how many question. Then, when for 5 years I had no babies, and I thought that time had passed for me, I grieved and realized the flip side to "open to life". And then Melanie arrived, and "open to life" took on yet another meaning to me. And now this one expands the meaning once again.

The little platitudes I have passed out to curious onlookers, like "open to life", "there is always room for one more" and "I don't know how many" are being proven to be the God's Honest truth. I know I meant them at the time, but I have to say I didn't really know what that all meant, practically speaking. Honestly, I still don't. I don't know what all will be asked of me, but I am doing it, one day at a time, one prayer at a time. I do not want fear to block the blessings, so I am trying with all my heart to maintain my joy, and hope that peace will follow. Pray for me~

A Cutie

2011-01-21T08:14:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, after doing 4 pages of math IN A ROW, my six year old said, "I am glad we are finished. That was making me itch".

Same child, upon hearing about the new baby on the way said, "Oh, so now you'll get thinner!". "No", I answered "I'll get thicker. Much thicker".
If only...

Thanks, and wisdom

2011-01-14T09:07:00.001-06:00

I appreciate your encouragement. Seems as if I need it badly, as I am a ball of anxiety right now. And, today's Henri Nouwen quote is perfect for me, and I hope helps someone else today, as well. Blessings!

From Unceasing Thinking to Unceasing Prayer

Our minds are always active. We analyze, reflect, daydream, or dream. There is not a moment during the day or night when we are not thinking. You might say our thinking is "unceasing." Sometimes we wish that we could stop thinking for a while; that would save us from many worries, guilt feelings, and fears. Our ability to think is our greatest gift, but it is also the source of our greatest pain. Do we have to become victims of our unceasing thoughts? No, we can convert our unceasing thinking into unceasing prayer by making our inner monologue into a continuing dialogue with our God, who is the source of all love.

Let's break out of our isolation and realize that Someone who dwells in the center of our beings wants to listen with love to all that occupies and preoccupies our minds.

My Masterpiece

2011-01-04T08:52:00.004-06:00

As I have moved through the adult years of my life, I have always had an unsettling feeling that I am consistently just behind the eight ball. I would have a vague idea of where I was headed, but just as I would be dreaming of the the perfect me I was going to create, BAM!, my life would take a turn and I would be dealing with that, and put off the perfect me for later. This cycle has repeated itself over, and over. At some point, actually, now, I came to realize that I am looking at this all wrong. I have been feeling like I haven't actually gotten to do anything yet, because my life keeps getting in the way. While I have been off, daydreaming about the me I could be if only my life would stop jerking me around, my life has been happening, and, I might add, happening in a rather remarkable way.

Whenever I watch movies like "Amadeus", or "Immortal Beloved", I am struck by the passionate nature of being a conduit to God's Creative Genius. To be an instrument in the creative process, to be an Image of God in the creation of beauty is awe inspiring. Even in these flawed people, the power and glory of Creative Genius would be flowing through them, often at great cost to the composers. My, how they wrestled with the music in their very souls! To find the right balance between the Music inside, the humanity of the composer, and the world in which the music is being poured, epic tales of passion, pain, and beauty were made.

Just as no composer can take full credit for their music, for they credit God, or a Muse, or whatever, I cannot take full credit for my life as it has unfolded. The blessing of children is not something I could make happen on my own, but my cooperation is essential. As I see it now, each one of my children is like another movement in a grand concerto, unique but complimentary, different in mood and personality but essential for the fulfillment of the composition.

When Melanie arrived in my family after a 5 year span of thinking that that phase of my life was over, it was as if the Grand Finale had been written for my concerto. It was with awe and amazement that I received her and the family felt like it had been waiting for her forever.

But now, it seems as if our concerto is going to get an Encore!

Encore! Wow, see, encores can be quite delightful, but a bit unexpected. An unexpected joy.

Encore!

(so the expected arrival of our Encore is just in time for my 45th birthday (mid summer). The word "daunted" keeps coming to my mind, about all this. Prayers are begged for health, safety and peace. Thank you!)

My 2011 Word.

2011-01-03T12:54:00.004-06:00

As I have mentioned frequently this past year, I want to get back to more regular blogging. I miss the untangling of my thoughts, and the relief I get from putting the chaos of my mind down in an orderly way. I love written words, and have had a mighty difficult time using them this past year.

It took me some time to determine what some obstacles were in writing. I was having other difficulties this year, as well, short attention span, general malaise, restlessness. I had the fortunate ability for some spiritual guidance this fall, and it has slowly been weaving it's way into my plan for the new year.

Many people choose a "word" for the new year. I tried it last year. I chose "Hope". I think it helped, despite my sluggishness, I had hope that with perseverance, I would make the most out of the life I have been given. But things never quite work out the way I think they will, and my ideas of improvement aren't always God's idea.

So this year, I believe my new word will be "Silence". It almost makes me laugh. Silence in a house full of people? Silence. But that is what I need regularly so I can think, and contemplate, and untangle. Not enough silence has led to this year of fallow blogging as well as a generalized confusion and superficiality in me.

Silence. How will I find it? I'll have to take it in bits and pieces. Early morning, maybe. In the car. Off goes the radio. Really need to get outside and stroll. That always helps. Putting away the iPhone unless I really need it, no mindless surfing. It is a start.

Wishing you all a fruitful New Year!

(icon image found here)

Christmas Wrap-up

2010-12-30T10:13:00.003-06:00

So, here we are, the wonderful week of repose between Christmas and New Year's Day. The house has been moderately picked up numerous times. We have had scrumptious food, visits to both sides of the family, with accompanying feasts and gifts, and our own celebrations at home.

I tried hard to follow the "slow Advent" I had been reading about at Melanie's blog. We identified the activities we most wanted to do, did those, and eliminated the rest. Consequently we did make a gingerbread house, then ate it, we did have an Advent wreath, and a Jesse Tree (which we actually finished!), we did bake sugar cookies (thanks to visiting relatives), and I did make cinnamon rolls. We did make paper snowflakes, and I did not do Christmas cards. We did go to Royal Hours on Christmas Eve, followed by confession. We did get a photo of all the kids, we did keep gift giving simple, while still having the kids do a secret Santa. We did get a real tree, for the first time in 13 years. We did not get out all of our decorating, just a bit each day until it seemed lovely. I did do my St. Nicholas mantle. And we are having our New Year's Eve party.

Sounds full, but we eliminated a lot of unnecessary stress. And I did enjoy Advent and Christmas this year, although I fought the nagging feeling of it not being "enough". Not enough glitter and spice, not enough "dream presents", not enough festivity. But then, I remembered that those things are imaginary, made up images. The reality of Advent and Christmas we realized in our home, with only a few moments of despair. Mostly, content anticipation. Lovely!

All of them. The best of the lot of 10 I took. The series is pretty funny, maybe I'll share it some day.

Her Royal Highness, after a haircut courtesy of her 10 year old sister.

Melanie's Stocking

Our little, lovely Christmas Tree, with presents. See? Not much for 8 children, but it was enough.

Sleepy baby Christmas morning. With daddy.

Where in the World?

2010-12-07T08:11:00.003-06:00

I can not believe the unwritten posts in my head and heart. I need to at least jot down the inspirations, so ideally I'll get back to it someday.

But, I haven't, and the ideas have slipped away into the ether. Instead of a real, substantial post, I'll do a baby update. She is still the highlight of the house, the little queen of the castle, and, yes, super cute.

Melanie at Halloween. Our little Giraffe.

Melanie is nearly 21 months now. She is like a mountain goat, she is so agile and always climbing. Nothing is safe, no matter where I put it or how high. She pushes chairs and stools, and stacks things to climb up. I have never had a child do this sort of thing before. And, like most almost two year olds, she loves toilets and if she is quiet more than 2 minutes, we must immediately find her and clean up her mess.

She is very quiet though. We call her the "stealth baby". She speaks very little yet, just Mommy, Daddy, a few siblings names and please. She grunts and points mostly, but is able to communicate quite effectively. She had a visit from a very talkative cousin, who is only a few months older than her, recently. After that, she has been babbling quite a bit, and seems to see the advantage in using words instead of gestures to get her desires met.

Melanie is a good sleeper at night, but a terrible napper. oy. No break in the day usually, except for the 20 minutes of trying to get her to take a nap in the afternoon. Occasionally, I'll get lucky and she'll take a real nap, but most the time not so much. So not the way I parented my other children at this age.

She is very sweet, she pats and caresses people, and when I hold her she always plays with my hair a little, very gently. She gives good kisses, and is very, very gentle with babies (so many of her siblings had one at this age. Weird).

She loves to play chase, and loves to run, and to be outdoors. She also loves to sit with books, and is very careful with them.

I can't believe I don't have any more current photos of her on my camera right now, but I'll work on getting the ones on there now downloaded, plus taking more now. Her little self is so cute, but the growing up is happening quickly, and I want more documentation.

So, I'll keep trying to have more substance, someday. Until then, God bless, and Blessed Advent Season to you all!

{this moment}

2010-11-19T08:23:00.002-06:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. Photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, visit Soulemama to leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

So You Know What is Hard?

2010-11-18T10:12:00.003-06:00

Of course you do. We all do. Life. Life is hard.

But particularly, for me, currently, the hard things are not what they used to be.

It used to be hard to put up with all the imperfections in my family. If only they would care about this house. If only they weren't out to get me. If only they would leave me alone for one flipping minute. If only he (you know, HIM) would truly love me, care about me, make ME a priority. Things would be better then. You know. In a perfect world.

It used to be hard to put up with my own imperfections. If I was more organized, thinner, brunette, with stunning violet eyes, confident, and could whistle loudly with my fingers, and play an instrument proficiently, and wear quirky and stunning outfits, and jog everyday, and have such a regularity to my prayer life it would be like breathing. THEN things would be right around here.

It used to be really hard to realize the criticism of my family was wrong, it should all go on me. It is my fault, not theirs. I should be more loving, more understanding, more resilient. It is my fault the house has an angry discouraged mood to it. My fault. It is all my fault.

Now, though, what is really hard? To know that it isn't the kids, the husband, me. It is a broken world, a fallen nature, imperfect stupid fallen nature. To say, if only.... about him, them, me. Easy.

To say, "This world is broken, imperfect. I am broken, imperfect. All the people I love are broken and imperfect. Deal with it. Love anyway. Try anyway. Be content anyway. Ask the Divine Healer in for a visit, hopefully to stay as long as it takes. Open up, love, keep working, find joy, receive love, agonize through pain and sorrow, love again and give."

Hard. Really, really hard.

Blame is so much easier, really, than living.

{this moment}

2010-11-12T23:11:00.001-06:00

The Picture Tree 2010 edition

2010-11-10T12:00:00.006-06:00

2009 Edition
2007 Edition
2005 Edition
**Fixed the 2005 link, for anyone interested**

{this moment}

2010-11-05T07:14:00.004-06:00

Small Successes

2010-10-14T08:08:00.003-06:00

So, I haven't done one of these in a long time, and I can tell. I never really feel successful. My life has ramped up so much that I pretty much have a trail of failures every day. So thinking intentionally about possible successes should be good for me. Let's give it a try:

1. I finished that home schooling series of posts. I had to dig deep and most likely, will never speak of it again. I am still amazed at all the moms who home school in contentment and peace. Truly.

2. I am continuing to adapt our daily schedule around the missing 3 oldest children. Struggling, but continuing to try.

3. I had a successful gathering here for our 18th anniversary, so this is two successes: planning and carrying out a party, and being married for 18 years.

More successes at Faith and Family Live

The Final Part of the Series regarding Home Educating my Children (whew)

2010-10-03T20:22:00.002-06:00

In Conclusion:

A portion of the things I have learned from home schooling:

There are many different, legitimate styles of homeschooling.
Become familiar with a resource, and keep using it. Change for change sake isn't good.
Be willing to change resources, however, if it is obvious that the teacher can't use it or the student isn't learning from it.
A raving review on the internet does not a good resource, for you, make.
There are good parts of the culture about which your children need to learn and with which they need to interact.
There are toxic parts of the culture with which you need to help your child deal, whether you home educate or not.
It is easy to loose family unity and cohesiveness if you aren't vigilant, whether you home school or not.
Home schooling is a lifestyle, not just another viable educational choice. It takes over your life (and your house).
Schools are not full of evil, judgmental, liberal control freaks
Home schooling gives kids much more time to be "them", to explore the world, and to play
Home schooling gives kids freedom to learn as they do, not as they should
If you have no physical support, I would discourage you from home schooling. It will kill you. But...
If you have a large family, home schooling can actually make life easier.
But you have to have a fairly well disciplined home
and children who do what you tell them
and emotional and physical support
Keep it simple. The basics well learned will prepare the students for anything.
Make sure, if you home school, you have some situation where the students learn from someone else. They can not see themselves as the authority of all things, and need feedback from other adults.
There is a season for home school groups or co-ops, and sometimes a season to pull back. It is all about balance.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. If things are going well, leave it alone, enjoy the calm and don't mix it up, just because you can. Life will do that enough on its own.
Any insecurities you may have about your own abilities will be magnified by home educating.
Watching your children sitting around the home, engrossed in books, and knowing you taught them to read, is one of the best feelings in the world. "I gave them that!"
Curricula full of propaganda is distasteful to students. Straight forward information and facts give them the ability to think for themselves, because they have you for a teacher who will give them the context.
By high school, my kids can pick out propaganda without even trying.
Sometimes, workbooks are the perfect solution
The best gift you can give your children is a sense of wonder about learning. Once that is gone, you might as well send them to school. They might get it back.
Home schooling is not necessary to produce children of faith. It can help, or it can hinder. Either way, as a parent, you have your work cut out for you and lots of prayers to say.
I am dismayed by some of the silly bureaucratic stuff you have to do to deal with a school. Lots of wasted time and paper dealing with "the man".
The kids are a little more grateful for our intact and supportive family now that they have experienced the "norm" for many kids in their school.
The best part of homeschooling is being in charge of my own schedule. And having the kids have relaxed, productive childhoods. The lack of external pressure is terrific.
The extra internal pressure is very, very difficult.
I am glad my children escaped the self esteem killer of peer judgments when they were small. While I wish they could avoid it forever, they can not, so the older ones are learning how to deal with it.
No matter how good a job you are doing, someone will seem to be doing better. Don't let it bother you.
Some people can give you terrific advice, some people are just being critical. Learn to tell the difference, and you'll be much happier.
Learn about your own personality type, and the types of your children. It makes a big difference regarding choices you need to make. Introvert? Extrovert? They are very, very different.
It can be positively delightful to spend time with your children in a relaxed natural learning environment
The days that make you feel like your head is going to explode don't undo the good days
If there are too many days in a row where you feel your head is going to explode, some kind of change is in order. Usually simplification or implementation of a routine. If you are always falling away from your schedule, then it is probably unwieldy and needs to be tweaked.
Once you make an educational choice for your family, you are not married to it. Constant evaluation is needed to stay on top of reality. However, stability is important to children, so don't be capricious about your decisions.
Having children correct their own papers is a very effective way of having them learn from their mistakes, and keeps you from getting irreparably behind. After they find out what they did wrong, then you can teach toward their areas of weakness, saving you time and teaching the child self direction. Once I got over the feeling that this was somehow cheating, things got much better for our homeschool environment.
Finding an outside person to grade the children's essays is very helpful. We had a few people willing to do so for us, and that helped the kids take the advice much more to heart, and much less personally.
There are so many good resources out there now for homeschooling. When I began there was mostly adapted classroom texts. Now, things are designed for home schools, and the internet is amazing for the choices provided. Try to look at or use a resource before you invest a lot of money or time into it. Don't just read one review and order it. Trust me, you get lots of stuff sitting around your already crowded learning space if you do that. And the guilt about the $$ you spent makes you keep it, even though you'll probably never use it, but life could let up, and maybe with one of the younger children you'll use it......
For me, with many children, my home school resources are like my diaper bag. With each successive child, the items I lug around with me in a diaper bag have decreased. Now, I have a diaper in my back pocket as I head out the door. The fancy "extras" for schooling have also gone by the way side, and the basics are where it is at!
It is quite a thrill to learn history and grammar and math again. I like it much better now than I did when I was young.
Despite the chaos and angst, I am glad to have had all that time with my kids. It goes so quickly~!
For me, home schooling until high school has been the perfect combination of formation for them, and relief for me. We'll see what I say in a year or two.
I am blessed to be able to send them to the LCHS. The local public high school is huge and much less appealing to me. I love the size of the LCHS, the uniforms and despite some lapses, overall a Catholic sense is there. Just a small reinforcement of what we have given them so far.
As uninspiring as Seton 9th grade program is, it is rigorous and prepared my kids very well for the rest of high school. Except in math. Saxon Algebra I hasn't really served my kids well, but I know of no better alternative. Maybe they just aren't math people.
I have not decided if the rest of my children will continue with this pattern. I will make that decision when we get there. My 12 year old is in 6th grade, so we have 3 years at least to see what would be best for him. At least that is my plan for now.
Overall, for our family, home schooling has been a big plus. Knowing myself as I do, I would have felt overwhelmed with my life whether I home schooled or not, but having them home, together, spending so much of their time with each other and with me, has been a blessing beyond measure. And despite my failures, they have learned well, and are prepared to continue their lifelong learning.

So, there you have it. As I wrote, and then re-read this, there is about as much I could still add, but I think I'll stop here. I have said all along, we'll make our choices year by year, child by child, and that is what we have done (although it isn't as easy as all that). I have also said before, home schooling is the best thing I have ever hated to do. Like most of the rest of the work required of me to run a household this size, home schooling didn't come naturally to me. But I think I have found a groove, and we're sticking to it, and all I can do now is hope and pray it was the best thing for my family.

The Penultimate Part of the Series about Home Educating My Chidlren

2010-10-02T07:31:00.003-06:00

Shining Light on the Boogie Man in the Closet:

So off we went to meet the Vice Principle. I begged my husband to go with me, because I was frightened, Auntie Em, frightened! I had our records for our son, to "prove" he had been schooled. I had all my defensive armor on, ready to stand up for my decisions. And then didn't need any of them. The vice principle was very nice, very respectful and quite helpful. He pulled together a schedule for our son, gave us a quick run down, and the amount of tuition, and said, "Here is what we can do for you. It is your decision to make, so if we get a tuition check and he is here the first day of the Term, we are happy to have him. If you decide otherwise, good luck and keep up the good work you have done so far."

Wow. Not what I was expecting. We enrolled him.

And my son was no longer miserable. He was thriving. Thriving, I tell you. And home. He took constructive criticism from his teachers and used it to improve, where with me he would take it too personally and reject it. He was inspired by the competition of working with other students. He was pleased to see he was very, very good at things. Without a measure previously, he always felt he was just squeaking by. He had always tried to do well for his own sake, but now, he was getting FEEDBACK glorious, glorious feedback from someone besides Mom (actually, all three now in High School love the fact that they get feedback from someone besides me).

But then there was the 9th grader, struggling under the weight of Seton home school, miserable, spending all day in her room, learning like it was a chore and had not a shred of anything redeeming about it. I thought she would do better, but she was having the same experience as our oldest, and I couldn't see her spending the next 3 years like that. Next year we would have yet another 9th grader. Would I beat ourselves over the head the same way again? Or was there another option...

The Saga Continues...

By the time we enrolled our oldest in to the Local Catholic High School (LCHS), we found the admission test for future freshman was in a month. So I signed up my then 8th grade daughter, thinking this doesn't commit us, but gets us on the path to enrollment, should we choose this. My current freshman daughter wanted to transfer the LCHS, too, but hadn't completed enough of her Seton curriculum to get any credit for it, so that was a no go. Maybe next year.

The little kids at home were plugging along, and finally we "kept on swimming" even through February, the month from Hell as far as home schooling goes. We were successful at this because I LOWERED MY EXPECTATIONS and only took on what we would actually do. And we did. Suddenly my slow reader was reading better (it is amazing what consistency can do), and I was happy to see real learning taking place in order and some peace. Except my for 9th grader. I didn't have time (and she didn't want me to anyway) to take control of her school. So she got more and more behind (she finally finished the school year two weeks after this school year began. She did do very well, grade wise, but the daily time management skills she is getting now at the LCHS are much better suited for her).

We got the test scores back from the school for my eighth grader, and they were awesome! She was recommended for all honors classes, and we were thrilled. So it was decided. The three oldest would go to the LCHS, and all would be well. Huzzah!!

And we find ourselves here, now.

So Where Are We Now? That is the question. Here are my thoughts about all this now, in both hindsight and hope for the future.

1. I am glad my oldest are in the LCHS.
2. I am sad they are in the LCHS.

I miss them. But that moment comes with every child, sooner or later, and I feel I have put that off long enough. I have seen changes in them. Wobbling, wavering a bit. Confidence challenged by peers, more care about physical appearance, doubting a few "absolutes" regarding social issues. At first terror rose to my throat when I saw this happen. The old fears rose straight to the surface and the desire to pull them out, take them home, keep them safe.

But that was a short lived temptation. Overall, questioning assumptions is not bad, and it actually leads to many very good discussions. Confronting the culture in a controlled environment and coming home every evening to get soothed back to the familiar is working out just fine. And I am seeing that they are pretty clear on who they are and what they stand for, much more than when they were at junior high age. I think it was wise to home school through junior high, as the kids miss some of the worst as far as peer pressure and peer identification. By high school, they are much more comfortable being unique. Of the three in high school, the freshman has changed the most, and that makes me sad. She is having the most difficult time staying herself and not wanting to fit it. However, she has found terrific friends, and her bending of personality has not been towards any dysfunction. All three kids are finding extra things to do, like journalism, a play, cross country, and are all taking honors and AP classes.

They seem to be well prepared for this. So far.

(The Final Installment, In Conclusion, to be posted by Monday. Stay tuned! )

The Long Overdue Series of Posts on Home Educating My Children part 5

2010-10-01T09:02:00.003-06:00

Now What?

So now I have a newborn, a kindergartner, a first grader, a third grader, a fifth grader, a 7th grader, 9th grader and a newly returned 11th grader. What to do with everyone?

Here is the run down. The Elementary School Students all used MCP math books and Phonics books and I used Saxon math for the 7th and 9th graders. I did a nature study co-op for the Elementary students (included lots of art, as well), and Dr. Wyle's Physical Science for the 8th grader ( a co-op also with one other student). The history was being done by the other co-op parent, Medieval times with numerous resources. We used Easy Grammar, Wordly Wise and Editor in Chief for everyone at various levels. For the first and third graders we used Language of God for Little Folks, and a spelling program from CHC. The middle kids did MCP map books, as well. There was pretty much nothing left of the original Mother of Divine Grace curriculum I began with, but I used the same principles and theories, and still considered that as my inspiration. And my 9th grader was doing Seton Home School. The second time through for me would be better, and she was more of an autodidact, so she should be able to stay on track better. Or so I thought. It turns out she was rapidly getting behind, and would refuse to take my advise or assistance. By the end of what should have been the semester, she wasn't finished with the first quarter yet.

The kids were still in choir, so I had those rehearsals to get them to, as well as the newborn I was trying to soak up, and the gardening, that with 3 acres, must be tended to a little or nature wins. I had a variety of other obligations out side the home that were quickly becoming loathsome to me. Actually, everything was becoming loathsome to me at this point.

Meanwhile, I am trying to run a household. Shopping, cooking, keeping the cleaning schedule on track, laundry. One thing that did work quite well at this point was assigning each bedroom a laundry day. The eldest child in each room needed to get their room's laundry all the way finished on their day, with the help of the younger resident. I was the manager, and kept it all moving. The laundry did stay consistently managed, and I have to give credit to the boarding school for that idea. It still works to this day.

That leaves the newly returned 11th grader. I still avoided "brick and mortar" schools for various reasons, and tried the path the other home educating families I knew did for high school. He was enrolled in the local community college for two classes (after not getting into college algebra because of his low admittance test. My first wake up call). He was in a home school co-op Spanish class, a Christian speech and debate club, and Eastern Catholic Religion through Seton. I thought we had our bases covered, but the erratic schedule and not feeling he "belonged" anywhere was making my son miserable again. And his schedule was erratic. A time management nightmare for this particular 16 year old who needs regular, predictable and steady. Looking back I can not believe I thought that this would work. It shouldn't have been a surprise when this semester did not go well, but I was surprised and disappointed because it had worked for other families. This was again, a wake up call. Other people's solutions are not a universal, and every family, every child is very unique. This is why I home schooled, because I didn't want them to be in a classroom treated like everyone else. Without realizing it, I was doing that very thing by having my son do what worked for others, instead of taking his particular needs into consideration.

Again, my son asked to go to a "regular" school. So, after Christmas, during the semester break, I screwed up my courage and went to the local Catholic high school to see what we could do.

(Coming up: Shining Light on the Boogie Man in the Closet)

The Long Overdue Series of Posts on Home Educating My Children part 4

2010-09-30T06:48:00.003-06:00

The Flip Side:

On the other hand, I loved that we were missing out on so many headaches my school going relatives and friends were dealing with. Too much homework, no time together as a family, conflicts with schools and teachers, lots and lots of handing over parental authority to the schools and noxious peer influences. By and large, I was pleased with what my kids were able to do. One daughter, currently a freshman, had read every book we had. I used to have to discipline her by taking away say, Jane Eyre, so she would clean her room. She taught herself how to bake wonderfully. She experimented in the kitchen quite a bit, and played around with music and math, but had lots of empty pages in her various workbooks. But learning was exciting to her, and she was a very interesting person to be around.

The little kids were behind, but were making steady progress and they were such pleasant, pleasant kids. They were complimented frequently by their choir teachers, their CCD teachers and any other adults they came into contact with. So far, so good. Now to get them up to grade level.

The year my eldest son was away at school, and I was pregnant, was a great year. My husband, while away much of the time, was working and our home life was more steady. We had a "system", the older girls and I kept it going and there were no pesky men around to mess it up. But oh, the cost. We saw my husband every other week. My son, while we spoke weekly, had some experiences at school that broke my heart, yet made him mature and confidant. But he was also homesick and miserable. He was determined to stick it out, however, and by the end of the school year he was doing well, but didn't want to go back.

I couldn't make him go back, as we had said, "Give it a year, and then we'll go from there." And he wanted to be home. We agreed.

(More to come!)

The Long Overdue Series of Posts on Home Educating My Children part 3

2010-09-29T23:30:00.001-06:00

A Difficult Decision:

It was at that time we began to consider sending our oldest son to a Catholic boys boarding school half the country away. This was a school I had previously admired but thought, "No way am I sending my son away. NO WAY!" But that was when he was 12, and now he was 15 and it was obvious he was changing and not at all the same "little" boy. He was a young man, and was straining under the current system. I looked over all the choices around here and found them all wanting for one reason or another, and now looking back, fear was part of it for me. I was afraid of schools, especially high schools. Wouldn't that group ruin all I had worked for? No. Too risky.

Once I found out I was expecting baby number 8, that was the tipping point, and we took the plunge. We had pretty much been leaning that way anyway, but once I knew I would be spending the first quarter of school teaching from the couch, I knew my son needed someone else to teach him.

The dread I felt as I prepared to send him away was unlike anything else I had ever experienced as a mother, and I wished numerous times I had never home schooled at all. Why hadn't I just dealt with the local schools all along; then I wouldn't feel forced to send him to a school so far away in order to keep his education consistent. Again, I felt trapped by my decision made all those years ago.

(Coming up tomorrow, The Flip Side. See you then!)

The Long Overdue Series of Posts on Home Educating My Children part 2

2010-09-29T06:37:00.002-06:00

The Next Phase:

So here we are, kids approaching high school, with four other school age kids, a toddler and a baby. I had reached my breaking point. Something had to be done.

But becuase of my "unorthodox approach", none of my kids were able to be transferred into school. They were too behind, and too ahead, and would be in 3 different schools, and never having ever enrolled anyone in school, how in the heck was I supposed to figure that out? And would it help me? I felt at that time the devil I knew was better than the devil I didn't know, and we persevered.

Meanwhile, I am struggling mightily to establish "systems" to keep the house clean, food bought and prepared and laundry clean. And children to choir and my own exercise and peace of mind.
I felt trapped. I was always worried my kids weren't getting enough school, and yet they seemed to be doing well enough. I was pleased with their innocence and sense of wonder, and their little world of great imagination. None of my children read early, which bothered me, as all these home schoolers on the internet had their little geniuses reading Greek and Latin by age 5, and they were reading Lord of the Rings by age 3. My kids were barely able to read their math workbook (yes I had succumbed to that by now, thank you MCP) at age 6. We had time lines created and empty, copy books with 4 pages finished and the rest blank. Poetry and art notebooks with 3 pages in the them, then empty. Shelves and shelves of science books with experiments and what not, that looked great, but were never used.

So, I bit the bullet, and enrolled my eldest in Seton Home School for his freshman year. I figured at least he would be accountable to someone else for a change, and maybe it would take some of the pressure off of me.

It was a long, long year, but he did finish, had decent grades and scored well on his first standardized test. He was miserable. It was at this time it seemed to me kids this age should not be alone so much, and it wasn't very good for him to spend his entire day in his room. I had other friends doing high school with their children at home, and it seemed to work out much better for them. I tried to get him more involved in things ( he was still in choir, and they had a good youth group at church, he was getting quite involved with pro-life activism, and he had lots of friends, but the days were so long and alone, except for the enormous amount of confusion at home with 6 younger siblings and an overwhelmed mom). But I had so little extra time to get him from point a to b, that I just couldn't do any more. The other kids were plugging along, and we had a little group that shared the teaching of science and history. This worked well, except we had to combine ages, so some of my kids skipped Egypt, had 3 years of Greek and Roman history, or did the Medieval Period for 2 years in a row. But they were getting history! Science was TOPS units (fun!) and Exploring God's Creation with Physical Science (kids were very sensitive to "propaganda". Is it okay to avoid one kind of propaganda and replace it with another?) But, they were doing science! Yay!

But the thought of home schooling my eldest son the following year gave me hives. He was miserable, argumentative, and thoroughly uninspired by his education. And why not? He was home all day with nothing but women and children, and here he was a blue blooded 15 year old boy. Is there anything else more frustrating?

(Next: A Difficult Decision. Tune in tomorrow)

The Long Overdue Series of Posts on Home Educating My Children

2010-09-28T18:44:00.002-06:00

I have never, never, ever felt qualified to discuss home education from any sort of expert status. I never felt a mastery over educating my own children, let alone advising others.

However, I have home educated my children for 12 years. Now that my oldest three are in a "brick and mortar" school ( I hesitate to use the term "real school" because unorthodox or not, my home school is real), I have some conclusions that have bubbled to the surface and I feel I should share them.

In the Beginning: (Part I)

Home schooling wasn't even on my radar until I met my husband. I had never heard of anyone who home schooled. I knew quite a few parents who got together and started small independent schools (not something I was interested in, let me say). But home schooling, no.

Shortly after getting married, we were expecting baby #1, and that is when homeschooling came up in our conversation for the first time. He encouraged me to consider it. So I did some research, I kept my ears to the ground, and asked a few questions. It seemed easy enough, especially at first, so I left my options open, and thought, "We'll cross that bridge when we get there". It seemed forever away.

BUT, in the next 5 years, I had 3 more children, a bad flood, a move, husband working and getting a MBA (read: gone all the time), and all of a sudden, my first born was 5.

And so tiny. So little. So innocent. So, so young. The idea of putting him in school all day (no half day kindergartens here) seemed ludicrous. But he was anxious to learn, and I wanted to feed that desire. I had read "Designing Your Own Classical Curriculum" by Laura Berquist, and decided to give it a go. I tweaked it a bit, to fit my style better, and it worked. He learned. He liked it. And he didn't have to get up and get ready for school at the crack of dawn, be gone from the family all day, and he could play. I am a big believer that playing is an important part of childhood that is removed when kids spend all day in school.

I spent all day taking care of four kids aged 5 and under, and everything I did was undone by the end of the day. Everything, that is, except the things my eldest learned. That stuck, and grew, and gave me much pleasure. Looking back, as I have mentioned before, I regret the fact that my eldest didn't get my attention alone for long, he was a baby for a blink, then the big boy. But home schooling him did give us lots of time together, and for a time, it was quite enjoyable.

That is, until I began to read home schooling e-mail lists. Oh my. I wasn't doing half of what these other people were doing. Oh. I was about to add my second born to the school roster a year later, but was expecting #5, feeling horrendous, and just. couldn't. do it. Also, number 2 and 3 in my family are both girls, only 17 months apart, and at ages almost 5 and 3, they were playing together beautifully and with such joy and imagination, I couldn't bear to break up that couple. Plus, I had all kinds of inadequacies to feed.

To speed up the retelling of this tale, let me say that I allowed myself to get yanked around like crazy from one curriculum fad to another. The Well Trained Mind was brand new then, and I was loving the idea of it. Charlotte Mason was rising in popularity, Writing Road to Reading, W.I.S.E. Guide to Spelling. Miquon Math, Spelling Power. These were all good resources, but I never took, or rather had, the time to be expert at them. I had been using "Little Angel Readers", which seemed to work for me ( but was labeled inadequate by some on the various home school boards I read), and Miquon Math was fine until I didn't have enough time to do it with everyone. Writing Road to Reading was like a foreign language to me, but all the "real" home schoolers were doing it! I also was hearing of the home school exploits of my husband's classmates, who were working on Latin and Greek and who knows what else. They all had gone to a small Catholic liberal arts college, and seems so much more prepared to this style of learning than I was. But, I was liberally educated too, well educated, I could to this, yes?

Suddenly most of the joy was gone for me about home schooling. It was just another stick to beat myself up with, and a way I was making my life more difficult on principle. I will do this, the hard way, darn it!! Then baby 5 was born, she was a CRIER, and I was embroiled in the pit of PPD for a year. A dark, dreary year, with my husband away most the time for work and school, and me barely holding on. I joined a homeschooling co-op, formed by a few Catholic families that couldn't get their footing in the large, mostly Protestant groups in our area.

It was a GOD SEND. In that group, there was no "right way" to home school. Some were un-schoolers, some very, very rigorous, some had children with learning disabilities and were getting an entirely different view of home education. Some were Traditional Catholics, some were "regular Catholics", some were Byzantine Catholics, some were "progressive Catholics". But we supported each other, had monthly meetings, parties, picnics and talent shows. We shared curriculum, ideas, problem solved in common, and brought each other food when there was a crises or a new baby. It was marvelous, and I finally got my footing in home schooling.

It basically boiled down for me: language arts, math, and play. The kids were (and still are) part of a community choir (high quality, secular), and were getting piano lessons after age 7. They were in the home school group, and religious ed at church. I always tried history, Latin, poetry, science, but by October we would always be down to Language arts (phonics, reading, editing, spelling, vocabulary) and math. Play included history, art and science, and music really, but at the time I didn't see it.

What about religion, you ask? I did catechism with the kids, usually for half the year (then, like everything else, it would drop by the way side). We did Bible stories for years, over and over and over. I finally had to start with the New Testament, because we would never get that far, and did the Old Testament repeatedly. Some of our text books and many of our stories had the tenants of the faith in them, and we prayed as a family, and about that time I began writing icons and spending much more time as a family at church. I counted that as "religion" most the time, and again, it always boiled down to language arts and math.

Life went on. We had more babies, a job loss, 9/11 (that decimated my husband's field of work), and a few other crises. I fell into a rhythm of schooling that actually made life much easier for me. As the older kids got older we experimented with a co-op with teaching as a part of it. It was a help for a year, but not a permanent solution. I hired a tutor for a while after baby 7 was born, and that gave me temporary relief.

By this time I had abandoned the online home schooling community, as my own immaturity and lack of confidence made it seem as if I was floundering at all times. I stuck with my real life support group, and that was enough. It was a small group, more like extended family, and was so very important to me at that time.

But suddenly all the families were hitting a change simultaneously: older kids needing more time and attention, family growing, free time coming up short. And the group fell apart, as no one could spare the time for planning and organization.

(Next installment, The Next Phase. Check in tomorrow!)

Pros and cons

2010-09-16T09:14:00.002-06:00

Things I love about having my oldest kids in school:

The routine, up, dressed, lunches packed, out be 7:30 every day. No jammies until noon like I had to fight last year.
Having fewer people in the house during the day
Having fewer opinionated people in the house all day
Having teachers share in my responsibility to educate my children
One child is pursuing journalism, one cross country, one is in a play. They are being challenged in ways I could not, and enjoying it quite a bit.
We all get up early since I have to take them to school. On the way out the door, I get up the other children, and by 9:00 am the rest of us are busily tackling math. We were never that consistent previously.
They are all doing very, very well academically, and I love the affirmation of the education they received from me.
Deadlines are enforced by their teachers, something I failed at miserably.
They appreciate the education they received at home, and are able to see the benefit they received by home schooling. They are happy to be in school, as well.
They don't see the little kids as much, and they miss each other, and are more kind and affectionate with them.
Doing school with the younger kids is much easier with 3 students being educated elsewhere.
My angst level has dropped considerably. The house is more peaceful.
They pray everyday at school, which again is more consistent that I was at home, sadly.
They have met some very nice kids there. They also have ceased to romanticize "school".
The uniforms are nice. The kids look nice.
They are learning time management skills I could not (would not) replicate here.

Things I hate about having my older kids in school:

Dealing with all the insidious paperwork
Fund raisers
Parent meetings
They have only 20 minutes for lunch, and no time to go to the bathroom. Seems barbaric
They don't get enough sleep
They are gone all day, and do homework all evening. Our family life is really altered.
I still have to remember how to do algebra and anatomy and physical science and edit papers. Now I help them with homework, and it takes almost as much of my time as home schooling. Only homework is in the evenings, when I am tired.
They want to "go out" on the weekends now, as if staying home is some shameful failure
Their text books are silly
They are surrounded by peers who don't really care about school
They don't get their chores done as regularly, and I am taking on more of the housework (that really is alright, though. I feel like I have my house back in a certain way).
All. the. freaking. driving. I am living in the car, and baby is in her car seat more than any of my other children. Ew.
The little kids don't see them as much, and miss them.
The all school masses are very, very "relevant" to teens, and somewhat scandalous to my kids.
It is expensive

I am much more motivated to continue home schooling the younger kids, and given how this goes in the long term, will aim at getting them well prepared for high school. However, if I can, I will consider with each child that home educating during high school does have benefit, and our family will be a different one when the middle kids are in high school.

But overall, this is going well, and I am pleased. It isn't perfect, but it has added structure that I was having difficulty achieving myself.

Who knew?

2010-08-24T11:37:00.004-06:00

Guess who likes spagetti-o's? Generic version. Every healthy offering I gave her she threw on the floor. I found one lonely can of spagetti-o's, generic version, in the pantry left over from another daughter after getting braces (I just wanted her to get calories at that point).

Anyway, so I tried the spagetti-o's , generic version, figuring if she turned her nose up at them, I could throw them away guilt free.

Well, she loved them. Happy and all smiles. And full. And sleepy.

Daybook - Transitions

2010-08-23T06:05:00.004-06:00

Outside my window ~ the lovely sounds of late summer, cicadas, crickets, but not too many birds. A delightful cool, soothing breeze blows gently in my window.

I am listening to ~ summer sounds, and the quiet rustle of the three oldest children getting ready for school.

I am wearing ~ gray yoga pants and a white t-shirt.

I am so grateful for ~ the quiet morning, time to pray Lauds, the cool breeze, the hot coffee and my new haircut. The day has started quite nicely.

I'm pondering ~ how to make the most of some time that has been freed up from most of my usual responsibilities. I want to enjoy, but not squander.

I am reading ~ Handle with Care, by Jodi Picoult. I have heard her name for a long time, and while at the library, I gave one of her books a try. So far, it is not outstanding, but not a waste of time, either.

I am thinking ~ about the sermon we had at church yesterday. Very beautiful and eloquent, and yet what pops into my mind is my Cliff Notes Version, "Be Excellent to each other".

I am creating ~ icons, still. My Samaritan Woman at the Well received the gold leaf this week. I actually have photos, but haven't loaded them yet to the computer. One thing I hope to do with my freed up time is to finish the halo rings and border lines and maybe even varnish it. Maybe I'll get it to church by next Sunday!

On my iPod ~ nothing for a while. Silence has been my balm lately.

Towards a real education ~ well, that one is tricky for me, as my oldest three are going to a "real" school now, and will probably get a bit less of a "real" education than I had hoped when they were little. But I am continuing to teach the younger kids, and hope that I'll get enough input with the older ones to have an effect towards the real. I think I will.

Towards rhythm and beauty ~ This week the choir rehearsals kick in to the schedule, so on top of the school, and the cross country, I figure in choir. Thankfully, I don't begin the younger kids school until after Labor Day. What is beautiful about this? I am trying to work in some walks for baby and me while we are waiting for various sibling to finish their activities. We'll see.

To Live the Liturgy ~ I received an iPhone for my birthday, and have set the alarm to go off, with bells even, at 6:30, noon, 3 pm and 9pm. I downloaded iBreviary and am now able to pray with the church whenever the bells ring and I am able. Love it!

I am hoping and praying ~ for my mom, as she recovers from hip replacement surgery. For my kids, that school goes well, for my husband, that he'll find peace in his work, for my friends, that we can spend time together as our lives progressively get busier, and for myself, that I can keep on trying.

In the garden ~ Lots o' weeds. Not much else. This weeks weather is looking to be glorious, so I am hoping to get in there, week, prune, and spruce up a bit for fall.

Around the house ~ new chore chart, new schedule, and responsibility shifting down to some younger kids. My job will be harder for a while, but I have great confidence that will some training and encouragement, our home will be running smoothly by October. Patience!~!

From the Kitchen ~ not much right now, but I plan to excavate some of my cabinets, clear out and re-purpose some space. Once things are tidier in the kitchen, I'll be able to use it better when I feel the fall coolness come, and compel me to cook!

One of my favorite things ~ my new Blue Willow cups and saucers, bought at the thrift store this week, for $1. Makes my coffee taste so much better.

Melanie this week ~ She and I get to spend lots of time alone together this week. I am truly looking forward to it. She is a climber, and mover, a never sit still sort, and is very, very quiet. She does lots of communicating, but seems to have very few words. I can't remember my others at 17 months, but she seems more active, and much more silent.

Picture Thought:

In my front window, I have a collection of glass birds. I really want to try to do a painting of this one. Look at how many shades of blue there are!!

Have a great day, everyone!!

(I used the headings for this day book from Elizabeth Foss, who always inspires me!!)

Will I Ever Learn?

2010-08-18T07:30:00.003-06:00

As my children get older, I do look back on their early years with a degree of regret. I spent many of the hours with them as small children utterly exhausted, frustrated, and discouraged. How many days did I wish would just be over, already? How many nights did I refuse to read to them, because I needed them to be in bed, be quiet, or I had a screaming baby to tend to or horrendous pregnancy nausea to contend with. How many times did they want to spend time with me while I was "getting a moment of peace", and I sent them away? How many times did I shut my ears to their stories, their questions, their frustrations? I just spent so much of my time feeling overwhelmed, and mightily discouraged.

If I could talks to my younger self now, I could set her straight on many things. But knowing my younger self as I do, she wouldn't have listened, would have continued to take on too many tasks, worries and comparisons, and would have discounted me a an old softie.

When I think back to my eldest, I try to remember him as a little boy. It isn't that hard, but what I remember most is I was always pushing him along the growing up path. He HAD to be big. He HAD to help, and he HAD to entertain himself frequently. When he was 5, he had 3 little siblings, I was trying to home school him, and as I recall, he stumped me the very first day. I'll tell that story, just for fun:

Kindergarten, day one, eldest child. First subject: Religion. Bible story, Genesis 1:1. As we go through the days of creation, he is to listen to me read, re-tell the story to me, and then draw a picture of each day for his notebook. Sounds easy enough.

Day 1, Let there be light! Cute retelling, darling little picture.
Day 2, God separates the light from the darkness. Again, all is well.
Day 3, God separates the land from the sea. Okay, easy picture.
Day 4, God created the sun, moon and stars. HOLD EVERYTHING!! My darling little newly minted home schooled child cannot go on. This doesn't make sense. Mom, how could God make light on the first day, and not make the sun until the 4th day? What was the light he made on Day 1?

Ummmm......

Dang.

Anyway, back to my lack of learning about this parenting gig.

I regret not treasuring enough the moments the big kids spent with me when they were small. The hugs and kisses, the sitting on the lap, the slow, easy intimacy that does pull back when they are teens. I didn't notice when it stopped, but all of a sudden I realized, that was over.

Now for the present. My eldest came to my room last night while my husband and I were watching a show on our computer. He wanted to use my iPhone for facebook, so he stretched out on our bed, and facebooked for a few minutes. Then he just stayed there, and was quiet. The 14 year old daughter came in, and I told her it was bed time, as tomorrow is the first day of school for them (I'll post of that later!). As a matter of fact, all the teens should be getting to bed, so we get the school year off to a good start. Daughter hugs, kisses, departs, son stays put.

I reiterated it was bed time, and he got up and went to bed.

Later I realized, he is 17 years old. He doesn't really need to go to bed at 10:30, and he was content just being with my husband and I, snuggled in, really (as much as a 17 year old can snuggle in), and I sent him away because why? Because I wanted him to do as I said, respect my authority, and have order to our days. Not a bad thing.

But how many more times will he want to "snuggle in" with us? Maybe never. I sent him off on "principle", and once again failed to appreciate that short time, the quiet, ordinary moments, that we as parents are blessed with.

This struggle has been long for me. Responsibility, duty, order, structure, versus delightful, free, unscheduled and unplanned play time.

Any way, before I faded to sleep last night, I did appreciate my son's obedience, but regretted, again, my lack of appreciation for the desire of my children to just be with me. Just be.

May God grant me another opportunity to just be with my son, and let me recognize it and treasure it. Amen.

(photo of my son, goofing off on the trampoline. Photo taken by a friend of his, as he would never be so animated with me behind the lense)

A memory to cherish

2010-08-02T22:22:00.003-06:00

My family of origin has scattered over the last year, with two of my siblings moving south. We were blessed to have us all together for so many of our years as adults. But tonight, for my birthday, we were all able to go out, with my parents and our respective spouses, for a fabulous birthday. Here is a photo, fuzzy, but I still think it shows the happiness present tonight (my husband took the photo, so he isn't in it.)

Anyway, much to be grateful for, and may I always keep gratitude front and center in my mind!

The flip side

2010-08-02T22:07:00.003-06:00

So, today was my birthday. And, true to the pattern of my life, full of things I had to do. But through God's grace, and probably many intercessory prayers from you all, I felt a deep satisfaction with my duties this day.

Things I love about the kids at exactly the ages they are:

My eight year old son, pounding rocks with a little sledge hammer, just for fun.
My 12 year old son, very quickly and efficiently completing his assigned tasks for the day, with a smile and cheerfulness that is a lesson to me.
My 17 year old son, tenderly caring for his one year old sister. And true maturity when dealing with the school scheduling. A long story, but he impressed my so very much.
My 10 year old daughter, being so brave as she had 3 teeth pulled today, and offering her fear and pain for the salvation of souls
My 15 year old daughter, obviously excited and delighted when choosing her school uniform today, and proudly wearing the hoodie from her new school.
My 14 year old daughter, same thing, plus her encouragement to her sister that they will fit in just fine when school begins.
My oldest three, 17, 15, 14, coming home from cross country practice, rosy faced, tired, exhilarated, and proud of the ability of their bodies. Such health!!
My 6 year old daughter, saying to me, "I just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you so much!!!"
The baby, sweet, climbing, smiling, babbling, endearing and adding such joy to our lives.

It would be a crime if I failed to embrace these blessings and consolations, and let the weariness of life snuff out the joy. Praise God for all His mercies!!

So Much.

2010-07-28T09:39:00.004-06:00

There is so much. Really.

I'll soon be 44. Is it too late to reign in my life and have the orderly existance I have always imagined?

School is about to begin. My three oldest children are going to a "real" high school this year. I am relieved, but I feel like I took a wrong turn somewhere. I know this is better for everyone involved, and yet, this was not the vision I had back when they were little. Is my decision to not home school for high school a victory, or a defeat? It feels like a little of both.

School is about to begin. I still have 5 children at home with me, one with particular difficulties that need much more of my attention, one a brand new toddler, and 3 that are soaking up information like sponges, but who haven't yet formed good scholastic habits and need my constant prodding to do their work. See? They all need more of my attention.

I am desperately trying to get into better shape. It feels good, but is so difficult for me to be steady and regular. With anything. And I wonder why the kiddos mentioned above don't have good scholastic habits. But, I am stronger than I was a month ago, and maybe I'll get my hikes back into my day once school begins. I'll probably have to take the kiddos with me, but that won't be all bad. Will it?

Still dealing with "stuff". My heart is torn. I do not like empty spaces. But I lack the attention and ability to maintain little areas of decoration. My fireplace mantle has the same stuff on it since February. I lack the creative energy at the moment to picture a replacement. I guess I should at least dust it???

Icons. I love them. I am making progress (St. Photini is nearly finished), but my life is busy enough that even this outlet that I love gets shoved aside. I know they will wait.

Gardening. I love it, too. But my flower beds are horrid. Faded, overgrown, weedy. Ugly. I just want the first frost to come an lay it all low, so I can start again from fresh next spring. But, I should put some effort into it, and get it looking end of summer good. But when?

My tomato plant died. Lack of water. I have many things I bought in the spring, to plant, and they are nearly dead waiting for me to get them in the ground. I must at least prune them and water them and try to get them in the ground early fall. Where did this summer go?? My potted plants are all nearly expired. I guess I'll dump them all, and wait for the mums and pansies. Or until next spring. Hope does spring eternal, doesn't it?

The older my kids get, the less time I have for MY interests and pursuits. My decorating, my gardening, my painting. It is boiling down to shopping, cooking, driving, scheduling, keeping the chores on track, getting rid of stuff and getting new stuff, keeping on top of the endless paperwork involved in having children involved in anything. I am decreasing, they are increasing. Is it as it should be??

Everywhere I turn, things are screaming for my attention. LAUNDRY! DIRTY FLOOR!! DIRTY DIAPER!! CHORES UNDONE! KIDS NEEDING NUDGING!! FAT BODY!! WEEDS!!! DYING PLANTS!!! PHONE RINGING!!! UNOPENED PRAYER BOOK!! CRYING CHILDREN!!! DENTIST APPOINTMENTS!! FOOD!!

Anyway. This is why my blog has withered. I don't have time for the blog yelling at me to be profound, creative, witty and meaningful. I just don't. I was looking through the archives, and I am so glad I have them. I was good at this once. I am not now. I used to have (hold your hats on) 60+ visitors a day. Now, I have 8. So in reality, this blog isn't YELLING at me, it is whispering. Thank God.

So, I will plug along. I hope to get my footing in this new, ramped up phase of life. I am sure this is a natural transition, and I just need to adjust and things will settle back into some semblance of a routine. And then maybe the truly luminous thoughts that run through my head as I am falling asleep, or just waking, will translate into actual paragraphs and posts, and this can be the place I envision it once more.

Until then, just living this very full and demanding life is enough for me.

4th of July weekend Redux

2010-07-08T11:30:00.005-06:00

Time for me to quietly contemplate the hydrangea on my property
A little communication between sisters,

A little sun tea

Impressive boomers
an amazed one year old
A newly turned 17 year old lighting his own candles (on a store bought cheese cake)
Home made strawberry short cake (my mom did this. I ate it).
Fun in the sun
Creativity (recognize the inspiration?)

Baby update

2010-07-07T12:01:00.002-06:00

Here she is on the 4th of July
Her baby foot prints on a beach along the Northern California coast (lucky baby)
Double victory! The laundry basket is empty, and the baby has a playpen!

Cutie

2010-07-02T08:49:00.003-06:00

Well, I haven't come to any conclusions regarding this space, but I have a few things I do not want to forget, so I must jot them down.

One is a peculiar habit Melanie has that is starting to decrease. When she was much younger (she is already 15 months old!) and she liked something, she would do a slow, tight blink. This became a sign of approval, a sing of affection, and then, while she would nurse, she would gaze up at me and blink, slowly, deliberately, and it seemed to indicate all was quite right with the world.

Now that Melanie can communicate her pleasure (or lack thereof) in other ways, she doesn't do this as much. However, whenever anyone here does it to her, and she agrees, "all is right", she returns the gesture. I hope this one sticks, I really do.

The other little cute thing that has surprised me, is how much Melanie does and understands. I know I have had 15 month olds before, and they also did these things, but it has been a while, and now the wonder is all new for me.

Melanie toddled out of her bedroom this morning, carrying a pack of diaper wipes, and then sat down and waited politely to be changed. After changing her diaper, I tossed the dirty one in the trash in my room. She went over, plucked the diaper out of the trash, and took it to the diaper pail in her room. She picks out her clothes, she brings people her shoes when she wants to go outside, and when she falls down, she brings her open hand over to me to brush off the dirt. All very typical, as far as babies go, but for me, now, immeasurably delightful!

O Blog, Where Art Thou??

2010-06-26T09:51:00.002-06:00

I am going to spend some time rethinking this space. I want it to continue, but want more of a defined purpose, order, etc. Plus, I am crazy busy, and I need to reorder some things around my real life, so I can use this space as originally purposed; a place to share my thoughts. Now, my thoughts are so jumbled, I can not share them adequately. My family is going through some pretty big transitions, and I need to get my footing. So, o faithful 8 readers, stay tuned, I'll. be. back.

Progress... or how to clean your desk in 4 or 5 hours.

2010-05-27T11:29:00.003-06:00

Step 1 of cleaning my desk: Make my bed. Check.

Step 2: Fold Laundry.

Step 3: Make Lunch for the smallest 4 kids.

Step 4: Throw away all garbage off the desk.

Step 5: Take all dirty dishes from desk to the kitchen.

Step 6: Clean kitchen.

Step 7: Download CD's found on desk to iTunes.

Step 8: Find the free tunes of the week on iTunes.

Step 9: Decide to empty the trash cans in bedroom, bathroom, nursery, as they are overflowing during desk cleaning.

Step 10: Retrieve trash cans from the curb. Clean them out.

Step 11: Nurse the baby.

Step 12: Check facebook. Exhort fellow mothers to virtue, and to have some whiskey.

Step 13: Read an article on LOST.

Step 14: Take a pile off of the desk to the classroom. Return promptly to the desk!

Step 15: Put away previously folded laundry.

Step 16: Wipe off desk.

Step 17: Take Photo.

Step 18: Post new photo.

My goal was to finish my desk before picking up my son from school. I leave in 1 minute. I live by the premise that a job will expand to fill the time allotted. And so it did.

But, victory, how ever drawn out, is mine!!

Entropy in action

2010-05-27T09:00:00.004-06:00

Remember this? It is from the early spring, I think.

Sadly, now it looks like this:

This is my goal for the day. Clean off my desk. Wish me luck.

Why I haven't Posted In Over A Week,(or the lovely fullness that is my life).

2010-05-26T09:07:00.011-06:00

Slip -n- slide fun!!
Lovely Peonies with Amazing Clematis
The only good effect of 90 degree weather in May, The Amazing Clematis bloomed in a BURST of beauty. These blooms are at LEAST 6 inches wide. Unbelievable.
A delicious Lemon Meringue pie, courtesy of my 14 year old daughter, for no occasion, except 90 degree weather.
Lots and Lots of Fun in the Sun
Lots, and lots of yard work.

*****

Let's see, I am a new "Godmother", as of last Sunday.

Our patio for the post baptism party in honor of my new God daughter.
We have a new "6" year old in our house, who prefers ice cream cones to cake.
Lots of smooches, one from recently, and the same two lovelies last year.

We have a new "8" year old in this house.

These two luckies got to go to California for a vacation with their dad. And take a limo to the airport. And notice the red cast. That was fun, too.

I got a hair cut and a pedicure last week. Wow. Totally refreshing, and

There is more. My eldest finishing up the school year and taking driver's ed three afternoons a week. Me taking a literal van load of stuff to Goodwill. Guest coming and going. My 15 year old daughter trying to finish school before she leaves on a week and half long vacation with a friend of hers. She is doing Seton for her freshman year, and all I can say is we are both looking forward to her going to school next year. Yes we are.

It is a busy, good, tiring, invigorating life, one that doesn't always allow for a faithful recounting. But I am trying to LIVE IN THE NOW, experience my life and live it, and love it. It seems to be working!

Pentecost at our Church. It was a lovely day!

The Elusive Mother's Day Photo

2010-05-17T06:32:00.003-06:00

So this is the best Mother's Day photo I got. All in all, not bad, but it was a long journey to get there.
This one is close, but notice Mr. Googley Eyes...
Then there is this attempt. Not bad, except for the Nose Picker.
In this one, Eldest Daughter is actually smiling, but Mr. Googley Eyes is missing his head.
Ahh, now this one is nice. Actually, this was the first photo taken that day. Everyone still fresh and willing to cooperate. I thought it was perfect, until it was brought to my attention that one of my children was missing from the photo. Nice.

So there you have it. A very typical photo essay of life with me as mother. It may be messy, but eventually, it works.

Hoarding and Purging

2010-05-06T07:26:00.004-06:00

So, I am still working on purging, although my "regular" life keeps intruding time wise. We have had a delightful concert from the choir organization in which 5 of my children are involved. We have had rehearsals for said concert. We have had a trip to the doctor for one child, a trip to walk in care and an orthopedist for another. Then there is school and weeding, and trying not to rely on pizza for dinner more than one time this week.

Anyway, after a trip to a discount store, where I bought some things I am sure I don't need, I decided I need to take the same amount of items out of my house, and also to give a few of the new items away for some occasions that arise soon. It is getting easier for me to convince myself, "I don't need this", whether it is a new item or one I am trying to take out of my home.

However, the illusion, the ideal, the "perfect" home, mom, wife thing remains, and I am constantly trying to quell a little panic as I divest myself of, or pass up on, items that do fit this mythical image of my life.

Fortunately, The One who loves me best, knows me best, and has the real ideal me in His mind is helping me out.

I am currently reading Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne and Lisa Ross. I don't have far to stretch to align myself with this book, but some of the practical ideas are very helpful for me to align the idea to the practical application.

I also have watched Hoarding a few times, and while I do recognize the reasons for the disorder in the people in the show, I can also see much more clearly what is disordered about their reasoning. The show is really helping me to tell myself the proper exhortations.

And finally, today's Daily Meditation from the Henri Nouwen Society is called The Temptation to Hoard. I'll share it with you:

The Temptation to Hoard

As fearful people we are inclined to develop a mind-set that makes us say: "There's not enough food for everyone, so I better be sure I save enough for myself in case of emergency," or "There's not enough knowledge for everyone to enjoy; so I'd better keep my knowledge to myself, so no one else will use it" or "There's not enough love to give to everybody, so I'd better keep my friends for myself to prevent others from taking them away from me." This is a scarcity mentality. It involves hoarding whatever we have, fearful that we won't have enough to survive. The tragedy, however, is that what you cling to ends up rotting in your hands.

That last line is a doozy, isn't it?

And so the battle continues.

St. Catherine of Siena

2010-04-29T08:40:00.003-06:00

(image found here. A good place to learn about St. Catherine can be found here)
During my morning blog perusing, I found out it is St. Catherine of Siena's Feast Day. For a few years now, she has been popping up in my life, so much so I feel I have something to learn from her, more than I ever considered before.

Now, saints like St. Catherine of Siena have always intimidated me, to a degree. She is a mystic, I am not. I didn't think I could really glean much practical assistance from someone so far removed, spiritually speaking, from my own experience. After these two years of being made aware of her more and more in my own life, I realize how immature that idea is.

It all began, during a semi-regular confession, when my confessor mentioned St. Catherine to me, in a non-specific way. As a matter of fact, he said, "I am thinking clearly of St. Catherine of Siena in regard to your spiritual health, but I have no idea why. But I think you should look into it."

Then, shortly thereafter, an unrelated acquaintance gifted me a first class relic of St. Catherine. I read a bit about her life after that, but still didn't understand what I was supposed to learn from her. She was rather "extreme", I thought, "unusual", to put it lightly. I have always wanted to be "normal", although the longer I live, the more I realize that is unlikely.

So, I kept an ear open, but went on with my life. This summer, it was recommended to me to read Catherine of Siena, by Sigrid Undset. This is a phenomenal book, and I have great hopes of finding the "thing" St. Catherine is trying to teach me.

I came across a prayer of hers today, and one phrase jumped out at me.

From the dialogue On Divine Providence by Saint Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor

I tasted and I saw

Eternal God, eternal Trinity, you have made the blood of Christ so precious through his sharing in your divine nature. You are a mystery as deep as the sea; the more I search, the more I find, and the more I find the more I search for you. But I can never be satisfied; what I receive will ever leave me desiring more. When you fill my soul I have an even greater hunger, and I grow more famished for your light. I desire above all to see you, the true light, as you really are.

I have tasted and seen the depth of your mystery and the beauty of your creation with the light of my understanding. I have clothed myself with your likeness and have seen what I shall be. Eternal Father, you have given me a share in your power and the wisdom that Christ claims as his own, and your Holy Spirit has given me the desire to love you. You are my Creator, eternal Trinity, and I am your creature. You have made of me a new creation in the blood of your Son, and I know that you are moved with love at the beauty of your creation, for you have enlightened me.

Eternal Trinity, Godhead, mystery deep as the sea, you could give me no greater gift than the gift of yourself. For you are a fire ever burning and never consumed, which itself consumes all the selfish love that fills my being. Yes, you are a fire that takes away the coldness, illuminates the mind with its light and causes me to know your truth. By this light, reflected as it were in a mirror, I recognise that you are the highest good, one we can neither comprehend nor fathom. And I know that you are beauty and wisdom itself. The food of angels, you gave yourself to man in the fire of your love.

You are the garment which covers our nakedness, and in our hunger you are a satisfying food, for you are sweetness and in you there is no taste of bitterness, O triune God!

From the dialogue On Divine Providence by Saint Catherine of Siena, virgin and doctor
I tasted and I saw
Eternal God, eternal Trinity, you have made the blood of Christ so precious through his sharing in your divine nature. You are a mystery as deep as the sea; the more I search, the more I find, and the more I find the more I search for you. But I can never be satisfied; what I receive will ever leave me desiring more. When you fill my soul I have an even greater hunger, and I grow more famished for your light. I desire above all to see you, the true light, as you really are. I have tasted and seen the depth of your mystery and the beauty of your creation with the light of my understanding. I have clothed myself with your likeness and have seen what I shall be. Eternal Father, you have given me a share in your power and the wisdom that Christ claims as his own, and your Holy Spirit has given me the desire to love you. You are my Creator, eternal Trinity, and I am your creature. You have made of me a new creation in the blood of your Son, and I know that you are moved with love at the beauty of your creation, for you have enlightened me. Eternal Trinity, Godhead, mystery deep as the sea, you could give me no greater gift than the gift of yourself. For you are a fire ever burning and never consumed, which itself consumes all the selfish love that fills my being. Yes, you are a fire that takes away the coldness, illuminates the mind with its light and causes me to know your truth. By this light, reflected as it were in a mirror, I recognise that you are the highest good, one we can neither comprehend nor fathom. And I know that you are beauty and wisdom itself. The food of angels, you gave yourself to man in the fire of your love. You are the garment which covers our nakedness, and in our hunger you are a satisfying food, for you are sweetness and in you there is no taste of bitterness, O triune God!

For you are a fire ever burning and never consumed, which itself consumes all the selfish love that fills my being.

This is the desire of my heart. It has been for so long ~ to love without selfishness. It seems to me this is impossible on earth. Like the wheat and the chaff, love and selfishness, fear, pain, are all so intertwined, we can only wait until the purifying fire of God's presence burns off the chaff, and leaves us the pure Love that we have been looking for all along.

I think that is what made Catherine of Siena so "unusual" and "extreme". She experienced that pure love, through God's gift alone, that helped her to see Reality in a way that most of us can not. She was able to endure suffering without losing her peace, because she could see that suffering was feeding the flames of the chaff being burned, that in turn purified the love present in us all.

My weak attempts at comprehending St. Catherine are just that. Weak and feeble. But I am hoping and praying that she will pray to God for me, that He will assist me in my desire to love purely. And to keep my eye on the one thing that will never be burned away, His eternal Love, and my share in it.

Epiphany upended.

2010-04-27T09:32:00.003-06:00

Okay, keeping it real here. My lovely epiphany from last post is baloney and nonsense. I can not decide. Wouldn't I enjoy being enriched? Educated? Enlightened? There are some books I could let go no problem (but I already got rid of them, so where does that get me now?).

Here is an example of something I have, tried to purge many times, can not, but also can not see myself actually ever reading. The Gulag Archipelago, by Solzhenitsyn.

A classic. People either rave or roll their eyes, or start blankly when this title is mentioned. I have never heard, "Well, it was alright. " I fell entirely void of the intellect needed to read and understand this book. And yet, I feel in needs to be read. So I put it back on my shelf.

Another. Small is Beautiful, by E.F. Schumacher. I actually read portions of this book in college, and wholeheartedly, in a completely idealistic way, support the premise here. But will I ever really read this book again? Somehow, I doubt it. Same with Pilgrim at Tinker Creed, by Annie Dillard. Loved it in college. Own it, probably won't read it again. And so on. I am spinning my wheels here. As I go through the shelves, I have maybe eliminated 5 books. Out of 5 book cases full. This is not good. I need to pray more about this, I can see that for certain!

An Epiphany

2010-04-23T12:43:00.004-06:00

Oh, how I wish I had taken some "before" photos. Because without them, I am not even going to bother posting "after" photos. You'll have to take my word for it that my classroom looks SO MUCH BETTER!!!!! I have de-cluttered, tossed, passed on, and re-purposed many, many of the items in there, and now I can think better! The world is my oyster!

But next are my many, many book cases, and I am stumped. I love books. I don't know how to prioritize books. I have been praying, "Dear Lord, help me pare down my book collection, but please don't let me make bone-headed decisions. Amen."

Then I came across this quote:

"There are two motives for reading a book: one, that you enjoy it; the other, that you can boast about it."

(Bertrand Russell)

And my life is changed. I am tired of boasting. I want to enjoy. So there you go. Any book I have that I enjoy, or plan to enjoy, I keep. Any book I have so I can feel smarter, more organized, more educated, or just more, I get rid of. If I really want one of them later, I can get it. Notice the singular. It. Not them. It will be worth getting rid of the one, maybe two books that I could boast about AND enjoy, just to rid myself of non-enjoyable books. And then maybe I can get some good books that would edify me, no boasting required.

Works for me.

My Very First Daybook

2010-04-20T08:04:00.008-06:00

I have never done a "Daybook" entry, but always enjoy reading them, so I thought I would give it a go, based on the topics at Elizabeth's In the Heart of my Home. She is my first stop every morning, by the way.

Outside my Back Door:

Sunny, cool breeze, birds chirping away. Still haven't heard my wrens, but lots of other birds are quite active.

I am listening to:

The washing machine spinning, and a 5 year old practicing her "100 EZ Lessons".

I am Pondering:

How to calm my thoughts so I can be effective instead of swirling around like a whirling dervish.
(baby just learning how to walk. I love her little hand, trying to keep balance)

I am Thinking:

about everywhere I look, I need to decrease the accumulation of "stuff" by about half. And about how I would then have so much more time for my garden, my icons, and my kids, and my husband.

I am creating:

a nature journal with my elementary age learning co-op. And icons, and a more peaceful space.

On my iPod:

Deb Talen, Hem, The Wailin' Jenny's, Cowboy Junkies, Gypsy Soul and Ingrid Michealson. Deb Talen's "Big Strong Girl" is one of my favorite songs.

Towards a Real Education:

I love student led interest, but if I am not careful, I loose my focus. So I depend on a few workbooks to keep us moving, but leave lots of latitude for rabbit trails.

Towards Rhythm and Beauty:

It has been nearly two years of me at decreased capacity (pregnancy and Melanie's first year). Parts of this are very familiar to me, as I have struggled with foggy thinking after each baby. This time was no different, but a lot less distressing, and more sweet. However, things have swirled a little out of balance my home. This time of fuzziness is clearing, I can feel it, so I see I can pull things together better now. But boy do I have to dig out of a few things that have piled up!

To Live the Liturgy:

I have not been able to go to daily Divine Liturgy as often since Melanie was born, and I feel the lack of connection. I will get my "Byzantine Daily Worship" next to my bed and try to re-connect.

I am Hoping and Praying:

Oh, my, where to begin. That my decision to put my older kids in the local Catholic High School and not home school them is going to work well. I am so at peace about it I almost feel as if I am fooling myself.

In The Garden:

We have been enjoying the re-birth around here. And pulling garlic mustard by the bagful. Evil, evil stuff. We are planting seedlings today for the herb and veggie garden, and have about three weeks until I can really dig in and start dividing and moving plants around like I want.

Around the House:

I want to cook more, create more, enjoy more. But first I have to continue with my purging so I can have more freedom of mind and motion. My Lenten commitment of 40 bags in 40 days hasn't stopped. Still doing a bag a day, and could do much more if I had more time.

What I'm Reading:

Outsmarting the Midlife Fat Cell by Debra Waterhouse, Catherine of Siena by Sigrid Undset, and Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne and Lisa Ross. I am thoroughly enjoying them all. I just don't have enough time to read, but snatch a page or two whenever I can.

On Keeping Home:

Going back to the routines established when I was pregnant and mothering an infant. We had a smooth, evenly divided schedule then that has gotten a little wobbly. But I have managed to keep on top of the laundry, and am now reclaiming the kitchen. I see a better rhythm around here shortly.

One of my Favorite Things:

Being alone. It never happens, so I enjoy other lovely things, like watching my children, reading books, and thinking quiet thoughts. I have always liked being alone, and I am afraid by the time I get used to the hubbub around here, they will all be grown, and then I'll hate being alone.

Melanie this week:

She isn't crawling at all anymore. Walking everywhere, and loving to explore outside. She is also eating a whole lot more, and is finally feeling better after having a wicked cough for a few weeks.
She makes the cutest babbling sounds, and is interested in everything she sees. She also likes to climb, which keeps me on my toes.
She's already walking away from me. It starts so early!

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week:

I cleaned out the younger boys room yesterday, and will do the middle girls room today. Tomorrow the room shared by the 15 year old and 5 year old daughters, then Thursday I am going to organize my icon studio, as I will be starting up my workshop again soon. Friday I will Work out in the yard, weather permitting. Saturday I will work in the garage to pare down our bikes and car seats. We have way too many of both, they are very old and not in good shape. Time for the trash.
Picture Thought:

My eldest and youngest daughters. Also, Godmother and Goddaughter.

Icon Update IV - The Visitation is Finished!!

2010-04-16T18:30:00.004-06:00

The Visitation Icon is Finished! In this photo, the gold has been added, the border lines, the halo rings, and the stars on Mary's robe. I did innumerable little touch ups here and there, and now it awaits being varnished. It will look the same but much more vibrant after being varnished. Then it will get blessed, and added to our prayer space at home.

What a fruitful 5 days!!

I really must thank my kids for all the help in keeping the house running. Everyone did school, everyone ate real food three times a day, got a full nights sleep, kept the house cleaned up and the laundry mostly cleaned.

This icon is from the book of Luke 1:39-56, when Mary goes to visit her cousin Elizabeth. Upon seeing Mary, Elizabeth cries out, "Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. 43 And whence is this to me, that the mother of my Lord should come to me? 44 For, lo, as soon as the voice of thy salutation sounded in mine ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy. "

Mary responds with these words, known as the Magnificat:

My soul doth magnify the Lord, 47 And my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Saviour. 48 For he hath regarded the low estate of his handmaiden: for, behold, from henceforth all generations shall call me blessed. 49 For he that is mighty hath done to me great things; and holy is his name. 50 And his mercy is on them that fear him from generation to generation. 51 He hath shewed strength with his arm; he hath scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts. 52 He hath put down the mighty from their seats, and exalted them of low degree. 53 He hath filled the hungry with good things; and the rich he hath sent empty away. 54 He hath holpen his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy; 55 As he spake to our fathers, to Abraham, and to his seed for ever.

Remember, you can click on the photo to get a larger view.

Icon Workshop Update III - The Visitation

2010-04-15T16:39:00.002-06:00

Beginning the face and unformed hands
More on the face and beginning the hands
The faces taking shape
Roof decorations, final robe lines

Eyes finished, floor finished, border begun.

Icon Workshop Update II - The Visitation

2010-04-15T07:25:00.004-06:00

Yesterday, I basically worked on the buildings in the background. I had a short day due to children's scheduling needs, but it was a productive, enjoyable icon session.

Today I will be working on the faces of The Theotokos and St. Elizabeth. I am always very excited to "meet" the saints in my icons this way. It is when I see their faces that I really fall in love!

Again, please pray for me, that God reveals what He wills through these icons.

Icon Workshop Update - The Visitation

2010-04-13T18:29:00.005-06:00

The Pattern traced on the prepared board
The base colors for the figures of Mary and Elizabeth. This is about 6-10 layers of paint for each color.
Beginning the robe work for Elizabeth's under-robe

Mary's under-robe, and beginning work on the buildings

Elizabeth's outer-robe and more work on the buildings
Mary's outer-robe
Mary's outer-robe with highlights.

There is still quite a bit of final robe work to do, but the structure is all there now. Tomorrow we will work on the buildings, then the faces, then the fine tuning of the robes.

After that will come the lettering, the border, and finally the varnish.

I think I have made lots of progress for about 12 hours of work so far. I am delighted to be doing this again!!

Click on the photos for a closer look!

A New, Ancient Adventure

2010-04-12T07:10:00.001-06:00

I am off this morning to take part in an Icon Workshop, that will last the week. I am bringing my camera, so this will be a great opportunity to show you all again how an icon is made. So, stay tuned, and I will try to update the progress regularly!

Blessings!

Short Easter Redux

2010-04-06T15:06:00.004-06:00

Big brother giving Melanie a swing ride!

7 year old finding lots o' eggs

11 year old hiding eggs

Happy little 5 year old

The gang

The center of our Easter table

Melanie's first Easter Egg hunt

My first cooked from scratch ham (delish!)

My red eggs, dyed in onion skins

Oh Happy Day!

2010-04-04T09:58:00.003-06:00

We have had a whirlwind around here. In our extended family and friends, we have had birthdays, a death, a birth, Holy Week, illness, and Feast Day and party preparations. I wanted so much to make the end of The Great Fast more reflective, but instead it was full of worldly concerns. And now, on Easter Sunday, Pascha, Resurrection day, I was unable to attend church due to some under the weather children.

BUT, the joy of the day resounds, overshadows every disappointment, and I can say with a joyful heart,

Christ is Risen!

Truly, He is Risen!

7 Quick Takes, Purging Edition

2010-03-26T08:58:00.005-06:00

Today's 7 Quick Takes will be a purging edition. 40 Bags in 40 days wrap up, so to speak.

1. I have gotten rid of way more that 40 bags so far. And I have so many more places to attack yet. A dumpster is in order for things like the garage, shed, basement and attic. But the closets are getting there, the bookshelves aren't as crammed, and there is a substantial decrease in garbage. I can not believe how much garbage I had laying around. Papers, mostly, but lots of toys, broken things that I was going to fix "someday". The linen closet merited 4 bags to the thrift store and 2 to the trash.

2. Things I am having difficulty purging:

a. Drawing from little kids that are now big, especially if they have a heart on it, and say, "I Love You, Mom".
b. Drawings from little kids that will be big soon enough, especially if they have a heart on it, and say, "I Love You, Mom".
c. baby teeth (??!?!?!)
d. My birth giving clothes ( I always bring my own to the hospital)
e. A dress my grandma gave me when I was 16.
f. Baby comforter one of my kids used that is threadbare.
g. Cookbooks
h. Lofty, intellectual books I will likely never read
i. Spiritual classics that I will likely never read, but should
j. Baby shoes
k. Lots of "How to Clean Your Entire House in No Time What- so -Ever and Keep it That Way" articles that I have printed out and put in a pile.
l. Exercise clothes I haven't worn since before I was expecting Melanie
m. Art Supplies
n. CDs that I have had "for a long time"
o. Items I spent too much money on but never used
p. Letters and cards I have received from people

3. I see a trend. Holding on the the past, gripping it with clenched fingers.

4. and dreams for what I might do with myself if I was only

thinner
more organized
using my time more wisely
more holy
more intelligent
more energetic

5. I realized I must continue in this mindset after Lent is over. I must stay in the purging mode for the rest of my days, or I will be drowning in the past and in an unrealistic future, and never live in the present.

6. I must repeat to myself every time I make purging decisions that God Will Provide, and it isn't a sin to get rid of something you might need later.

7. Finally, I need to get rid of the things that I have kept or bought so I can be like someone else that I am envious of. I never knew that about myself, but I see it is true. I need to rest and work in my own gifts and talents, and appreciate others' gifts and talents without coveting them. Wow. Now THAT would be freedom!!

More Quick Takes at Jen's

Good St. Joseph

2010-03-19T07:32:00.003-06:00

Since officially becoming an Eastern Rite Catholic, there have been a few items on the Liturgical Calendar that I really miss. Now, I still acknowledge and accept these things, and still incorporate the traditions into my life since really, Catholic is Catholic. But, Liturgically speaking, there are differences in the calendar.

Today is one of those days. In the Roman Catholic calendar, today is the Feast of St. Joseph. My husband and my eldest son, my father and my father in law, all share his name, and look to him for example. I have had a love for St. Joseph my entire life, as he was the member of the Holy Family I could most identify with.

So it truly warmed my heart to read this article today, written by Abbot Joseph, the superior of Holy Transfiguration Monastery (aka Mt Tabor Monastery), a Byzantine-rite Ukrainian Catholic monastic community. It is entitled, "A Man of Faith and Righteousness", and I encourage everyone to read it and to ask St. Joseph to pray to God for us today and always.

A First

2010-03-19T07:18:00.004-06:00

This morning my newly one year old is sitting on my lap, eating a few dry cheerios that are placed on my desk for her. After carefully eating 2 or 3 cheerios, she leans over and not so discreetly indicated she could use a little milk. So now she is eating a cheerio, then nursing for a minute or so, then eating another cheerio, then returning to nursing. Even after eight children, I am pretty certain this is the first time one of my babies has had breakfast in this manner. Lucky baby!

(one of the reasons for the cheerios is to keep little fingers away from the keyboard while I am trying to use the computer)

Happy Birthday, Little One!

2010-03-17T08:10:00.006-06:00

Well, this is it. I'll spend all day thinking, "At this time LAST YEAR, I was eating out with my mom, timing contractions." "At this time last year I was deciding if I should take the girls to choir, or stay home and see what happens." Then a mere 2 hours later, "At this time last year I was on the way to the hospital." And finally, at 10:15 pm, "At this time last year I fell in love again."

Happy, Happy Birthday, my little Melanie Christine Patrice Marie! What a lovely, sweet year this has been!

I would like to go on and on about what an unexpected joy Melanie's arrival was. But I will limit it to these words.

What a gift and a blessing to feel such joy, not tinged with the fatigue and overwhelm I had with previous pregnancies. To have the luxury of sitting in my lovely room, holding, nursing, and soaking her in, without the constant interruptions I had with previous babies. To have a true sense of healing some of the tender spots in my soul and psyche, to regain my joy, my trust and my confidence. To heal my memories of previous babies, where I had focuses on my overwhelm and forgotten some of the sweetness. Many, many moments spent caring for Melanie brought exquisite but fragile memories of my other sweet wee ones back to me.

Mostly, I just want to express my gratitude, to The Giver Of Life. Praise God for His generosity and loving kindness!

And May God grant Melanie many more years, in peace, health and happiness!

owl pellets

2010-03-16T14:07:00.004-06:00

First truly gorgeous day of the year, so we got to do our owl pellets outside

We concluded our owls ate between 3-4 animals per pellet, which means they eat 6-8 per day. I have wanted to this for years with the kids, and I am so very glad to have done this project. I found this fascinating, as did all 7 of the kids in the co-op.

A year is 365 days. Or a blink. You choose

2010-03-16T08:45:00.002-06:00

One year ago, the Sunday before St. Patrick's Day

This year the Sunday before St. Patrick's Day

What a difference a year makes!

Mercy

2010-03-15T19:30:00.003-06:00

This is a re-post from my archives 3 years ago. I just can't say it any better now. I was perusing my archives looking for Lenten recipes, and had to laugh that my discipline back then was to turn off my comments. Don't really need to do that now, LOL. Anyway, enjoy!

"...fasting bears no fruit unless it is watered by mercy. Fasting dries up when mercy dries up. Mercy is to fasting as rain is to the earth...when you fast, if your mercy is thin, your harvest will be thin; when you fast, what you pour out in mercy overflows into your barn...give to the poor and you give to yourself. You will not be allowed to keep what you have refused to give to others."

I wrote this out from a book I read a long time ago. I forgot to write down who said it, but it was a saint, I remember that.

Mercy. It seems as if that truly is the key to happiness. With mercy, there is love and forgiveness.

With mercy there is hope.

With mercy there is a soft toughness that is tender to those that need it, and strengthening to those that offer it.

When you offer mercy, you can believe that God will give it to you, like He promised.

When you offer mercy, you can have a deeper repentance for offending God.

When you offer mercy you have a much more difficult time being judgmental; when you offer mercy you see everyone's need for it, rich or poor, well or sick, overwhelmed or lonely.

It seems fasting loosens the soil of the heart, so that mercy can sink in, and take root, and blossom and bear the fruit of more mercy.

Fasting and mercy have to go together.

Love it While it Lasts

2010-03-13T10:48:00.004-06:00

This is a nice sight. I can not seem to get photos of my eldest ~ he's not keen on having his picture taken. But one Saturday morning, I happened by and took this shot. It reminds me to be very grateful that all my children are under my roof right now, unlike last year, when this bed was empty most of the time. I am very glad my son is home this year, and very pleased with the school he is attending. Grateful, grateful!